ARRRRRGH!

So I've been working on this Mad Anthony River Rally thing, right?

The VitaGuru forgot about it, and has to work on the 4th.

Well, Bubbazander and I have decided that we are going to suck it the hell up and do it anyway.

This will require getting up at OMGSTUPID and taking a total of 3 busses to Perrysburg (our busses have bike racks on the front!) BUT BUT BUT! I want my flying pancakes, my ride to Grand Rapids, and ice cream after the ride! Plus, I want to wear my Oberon jersey for the event I bought it for.

So, we're doing it. Yeah, I know, I haven't said much about training for it, but who's really interested in me riding around the neighborhood? The only wildlife I ever see is Granny Cheeseburger, and she's MEAN!

--Missy, the Fat Bottomed Girl

More Things I Wanted To Show You

I had quite forgotten to show you my route from the Ride!

The Green line on the map is where the GPS lost me for a bit - it's not supposed to be a straight line, it's supposed to follow River Road! So it's showing a bit short.

But that's where I went!

A Short Ride Kind Of Morning

Good morning!!

Today, a very short ride, compared to what I've been doing, just 6.63 miles. But it was a great ride, and was short only because I'M FAMISHED AND WANT TO EAT ALL THE THINGS. Also, I had Samuel, my French exchange student with me, and I didn't want to kill him. And he wants pancakes, too, so.

I added a bit to the neighborhood route, crossing Lewis and toodling down the streets over there. That may well be a permanent addition, we'll see what happens when I do a multiple circuit tomorrow afternoon-ish.

I really dislike long rides first thing in the morning, y'all. Aside from needing the Stupid to wear off from my medication, I am also incapable of eating right away. But if I go out on an empty stomach? Ugh, all hell breaks loose.

Still, a good, quick ride. Now for a shower and a walk up to the corner for pancakes, fruit, and a couple pots of coffee!

Happy Sunday!


--Missy, the Fat Bottomed Girl

Yup, I'm Back On The Bike

After Bike to the Bay, I got it into my head that I wanted to do another event. In spite of being a bit wrecked afterwards, I had a lot of fun, and I really need the exercise anyway! Fortunately, an opportunity presented itself right away - all the cars at the Rec Center had been spammed by the Toledo Area Bicyclists club with a flyer for the Mad Anthony River Rally.

We've chosen the 62 mile route from Perrysburg to Grand Rapids, which will feature a Flying Pancake breakfast at 18 miles, and lunch in historic Grand Rapids! It sounds like a great time to me!

And! VG and I have new "uniforms":

Aren't they great? Super comfy, too! We got a few grins when we wore them out on the Wabash Cannonball Trail on Thursday!

It's been super hot here in Toledo of late, so we didn't get to see much in the way of wildlife, except for the HERD of chickens that we always pass. Yes, a herd. There are just too many of them to call a flock. I really want backyard chicken, but VG tells me they won't fit in my backpack. Har, har. Seriously, though, I want chickens. Fresh eggs for breakfast is my idea of pure heaven, and when the old broads retire, I can turn them into Coq au Vin! Doesn't that sound so good?

No riding today. Instead, I'm off to Toledo's Polish Festival with Younger Monster and Sam, my adorable French exchange student. We're going to stuff Sam full of pierogies and I'm going to drink beer until I bust. We have glorious weather today, and I'm very excited to show our Extra Kid one of the best things about Summer in Toledo - Street Festivals!

-- Missy, the Fat Bottomed Girl

I Forgot To Show You!!

The MS Society is so wonderful to the people who ride.

Even though I didn't finish the 100 miles, the peeps at the MS Society gave me a certificate of completion! They told me that it doesn't matter if you make the whole route or not, they appreciate everyone who gets out of bed that morning and gets on the bike at all!

Super sweet. So here's my certificate, my bib number, and my first event patch!

Where should I iron my patch??

-- Missy, the Fat Bottomed Girl

In Which Our Heroine Returns From The Dead

OK, maybe not quite dead, but it's been ridiculous Chez Fat Bottom of late. Anyway, I owe you all an update!

FIRST: A gigantic THANK YOU and I LOVE YOU to everyone who donated! We raised $450 for the National MS Society! You are all made of Win and Awesomsauce, and you have helped make things just a bit brighter for people living with MS. Every penny raised goes to help fund research to fight this awful disease, and help MS patients in need get medical care and equipment. I met some folks on the Ride who are just so grateful and excited that people are interested in helping in whatever way they can. Meeting them and knowing the good the MS Society does for them made all the training pain worth it.

If you wanted to donate prior to the Ride, but couldn't, you still can until August 31st.

So, about the Ride...

If you know me IRL, you know that I did not succeed in the planned 100 miles. I did, however, make the full 50 on the first day, and I think for my first distance event, that's pretty damned good!

(That's me on one cup of coffee.)

We got to the Lucas County Fairgrounds bright and early to check in, have a little breakfast, and get started. The place was jammed with veteran riders and n00bs alike, and the atmosphere was one of party and fun. Everyone was so excited and ready to roll, and when our group was ready, we took off like shots!

A few miles in, VG blew a flat, so we had to SAG it over to a bike mechanic to get him sorted. To our delight, the mechanic at that station was VG's regular dude from The Bike Route here in Toledo. He had VG re-tubed and re-tired in no time flat, and we were off again.

Right into a hill. OMG. Now, if I had still be riding Red, it would have been all over for me right there, since Red's gears didn't shift any more. But I had my shiny new bike, so all I had to do was downshift, right? Well, in theory, that's how it works. But my bike decided not to get into gear, so I really struggled in third until everything finally clicked over. If you ever want to feel like you're getting nowhere fast, try pedaling uphill in third gear. OW!

From there, though, it was smooth sailing, and we had fun at the rest stops!

(There was a group of women with these T-shirts. Each had a word on the front that, when they lined up, spelled out "We are on our cycles", and one had a giant period on her shirt. Because they were. On their periods, I mean. I was vastly amused by this novel way to build a cycling team.)

I can't decide if my favorite stop was Tontogany, where we got to go into the Firehouse and have HOMEMADE BROWNIES OMGSOGOOD!, or the final stop in Gibsonburg, where I swear it was an Angel handing out Dreamsicles as we rolled in on an 85 degree day.

There's something delightful about somebody's Grampy handing you a pair of Dreamsicles after 50 miles of riding, really. I hopped off my bike and gave him a hug and a kiss and told him he was an Angel, and he just BEAMED! But he really was an Angel! What else do you call the guy waiting for you with something cold and sweet?

With the appearance of the Dreamsicles, we were done for the day, and we were loaded up and taken to Port Clinton High School to store our bikes for the night, pick up our Jet Express passes, and get our transportation into town. We had the option to camp at the high school, but the fact is, I don't camp. Ever. For any one or any reason. It's never been fun for me, and it's just too hard on my joints besides. So, VG and I booked a room in town at the Super 8, which is just across the street from the Frisch's Big Boy my Opa and I used to spend a lot of time in every summer. I hadn't realized that's where it was - the Super 8 wasn't there when I was a teenager spending summers in Port Clinton - but I was tickled when I spotted it.

We got checked in, and trundled upstairs for a shower and a nap. I howled when I spotted this:

You know you're in a Summer Town when... Hee!

After I had an hour to recover, we hopped on the Jet Express to South Bass Island and Put-in-Bay. Now, Put-in-Bay was rather important venue during the War of 1812, and if you get me started about War of 1812 history here in my area, I won't shut up, so just go read about The Battle of Lake Erie.

We wandered around the Island and thoroughly enjoyed ourselves, had some dinner, and headed back to the hotel to crash.

When I awoke on Sunday, my legs looked like this:

When getting ready for the Ride, we had put zip ties on my water bottle holder to stabilize it and make sure I didn't lose my nice Camelbak bottle. By the time I noticed that I was getting scratched up, the damage was done. I did fix the issue, but by then, I had mangled myself pretty good. It didn't really hurt until Sunday, though.

We packed up to head out and get the day going. The first transport shuttle skipped us. The second one picked us up, but we got there mere minutes from being able to get on the first bus over to the start point. We were put on the bus for the second wave...and waited for 45 minutes to get on the road. While on the road, the bike truck kept getting lost. A 20 minute ride took more than an hour, so we spent 2 hours crammed into a bus. Ugh.

At the Gibsonburg start point, I realized I could not get on my bike. Try as I might to stretch, I couldn't. I was a Walking Cramp, and was in a lot of pain. I tried a double dose of ibuprofen and a lot of walking and attempting to stretch, but my calves and thighs were having none of it, and after about 45 minutes of trying to work it all out, I called it off. I had to decide whether I wanted to try and end up injuring myself badly, or be happy with what I had already accomplished. I chose the latter, and I don't regret it!

I will probably do this again next year!

In the in-between, I've decided to do a 62 mile road rally in Perrysburg next month. It's not a fundraiser ride, it's just a bunch of people riding for the fun of it, in honor of General Mad Anthony Wayne and the Battle of Fallen Timbers.

(Yes, I know a lot about the Battle of Fallen Timbers, too. I'LL SHUT UP NOW!)

Stay tuned for more cycling adventures! And, you guys? For all of your support, I thank you from the bottom of my heart.

--Missy, the Fat Bottomed Girl

Almost Here!

Tomorrow.

Tomorrow, after all of the training, the owies, the bitching about the pain, the discovery that I can actually ride a lot further in one go than I ever thought I could...tomorrow I start the first leg of a journey of 100 miles.

We're leaving our cozy house at 5:45AM to head for the Lucas County Rec Center to turn in our paperwork, saddle up, and start the first leg!

I don't expect to have wireless access, or not much, anyway, so I'm going quiet til Sunday night. When I come back, there will be pictures and yabbling and probably some crabbing about saddlesores.

In the meantime, I'm still looking for sponsors! I'm only $25 shy of my minimum! Got a buck to spare? Flip it to the MS Society through the Sponsor Me link in the right sidebar! Know anyone else with a spare buck? Send 'em to me!

Off to bed, 5AM comes awfully early!

-- Missy, the Fat Bottomed Girl

Now With Better Suspension

No, I didn't buy a new bra. I probably should, though.

Nope, today I retired Red. He's served me well, but the fact of the matter is that he's not really road worthy any more - at least, not for the distance I'm going this weekend - and I was both starting to feel unsafe and really getting tired of the saddle induced injuries. I was just going to give Red a new saddle, but that would only have solved part of the problem.

Mind, a new bike was not in the plan, but things came together such that it was feasible, and now I've got a new pair of wheels:




The brakes on this are AWESOME, and now I have full use of the gears - all 21 of them. Suspension is terrific, the saddle is big enough that it's not all up in my bidniz, and the addition of the gel cover has made it just heavenly. Bubbazander and I made seat adjustments, I think the handlebars might still need a tweaking, but that will be easy enough to sort out.

Really, my only complaint with this bike is that it's not purple. But that's why Krylon gave us spray paint, so this is easily fixable. Not til after the Ride, though, because there's still some tweaking to be done.

This close to the Ride, I really ought not be doing distance rides, I don't want to wear myself out before I WEAR MYSELF OUT, but VG and I are going to load up the bikes and head out to Oak Openings on Thursday afternoon for one last 18 miler, so we can do whatever other tweaking needs to be done.

You guys, the ride is on SATURDAY!

Have you thrown a dollar at the MS Society through my sponsor link yet?


--Missy, the Fat Bottomed Girl

MS: Mean, Nasty, and Possessed of Crappy Timing

Big news across the blogosphere today, and relevant to my interests: Jack Osbourne, 26 year-old son of Ozzy, has been diagnosed with MS. Aw, hell. He and his fiancee just had a shiny new daughter, too. Parenting a newborn is already hard enough, but parenting a newborn and learning to deal with your freshly diagnosed auto-immune disorder at the same time? REALLY SUCKS.

MS, of course, doesn't care who it's slapping around. Here's a whole list of famous people who have struggled with MS. William Hartnell, the First Doctor? Geez!

And then there are people like Wendy Booker, who manage to give MS the finger and do what they want to do anyway. Wendy has scaled six of the Seven Summits, runs marathons, skydives, and intends to mush in the 2014 Iditarod!

[I am going to point out here that if I catch any of y'all using Wendy as a cudgel on other people with disabilities, I will walk to your house and whup your ass mydamnedself. Just because one person with a chronic illness can successfully pretend she's not really sick doesn't mean that everyone can, and no one has any business expecting them to, in any case. Don't make me come over there.]

Anyway, my point here is that MS can strike literally ANYONE. There's no way to predict who will be plucked up and smacked around. It's a mean, crappy illness that exacts a significant physical, mental, and financial toll on those it decides to invade. Tomorrow, it might be you. Or me. Or the cute young Mom down the street with the infant and the ridiculous dog. Or your own Mom. That's why I'm saddling up on Saturday to start a 100 mile tour. Every little improvement - from better therapies to better medications, tests that help pin down a diagnosis earlier, community support groups and educational outreach - makes a huge difference in the lives of people struggling with the day to day reality of living with MS.

The hard training is done. For the rest of the week, it's just 5 and 10 mile rides to keep my ass from getting too comfy in a state of rest. There's other work to do, though - I'm seeking sponsors through August 31st! I'm just $25 from my fundraising minimum of $250, but I'd love to get closer to my goal of $1000.

Please share the fundraising link far and wide, and if you've got just a dollar to spare, please consider throwing it at the MS Society. They do good, important work to help people who need every bit of help they can get.



--Missy, the Fat Bottomed Girl

Someone Stole Thor's Pants

I stole the title from my friend Amy, proprietor and Chief Saponifier at Foam on the Range. It's an apt description of a thunderstorm, which is what part of today's ride ended up being in.

So, 35.75 miles today. Our goal was 50 miles, but Thor realized his britches were missing at around mile 22-ish, and it all went to Hell from there! And, in spite of the Vita Guru's intermittent fussing that I was going too slow, I'm quite pleased with my 9.5mph pace.

We got a later start than VG had planned, which didn't bother me in the slightest, since I haven't any care for some training "schedule" to adhere to. I'm supposed to plop my fat can in the saddle and go, not worry about what time it is! We parked at the Lakeside development and started on the South Fork of the Wabash Cannonball Trail. The weather was cool and delightful, and except for the cloud of tiny little bugs that endeavored to fly up my nose ALL AT ONCE, it was a great start to the ride. The South Fork is kind of "middle of nowhere" territory, so any bit of wind whistling across the fields reaches you unbroken. I had to pop an earbud out so I could hear VG, elsewise all I heard with my tunes was "WHOOOOOOOOOOSH".

You see some neat things on the South Fork:





Wildlife what I saw on the South Fork:

Wabbits: I lost count after 20. My darlings, it was well and truly wabbit o'clock!
Chipmunks: 2
Cardinals: Flocks and herds! They were really cheerful this morning.
Horsies: 6
Field mice: 3
Butterflies: 16, no Karner Blues, though. They aren't morning people.
Chefs: 1

Wait...

Well, I dunno, Chef Michael DuShane could probably be considered wildlife! He not only does triathalons and marathons, he's also just out of his mind enough to teach the Culinary Arts to high school students, and somehow manages not to kill them. Chef is, as far as I'm concerned, a Rock Star - he's the ONLY instructor Alexander has ever taken seriously, the only instructor whose opinion Alex has ever really valued. That's...pretty damned special, if you ask me, which you didn't, but it's my blog and I can opine if I want to.

It was a delightful surprise to find Chef and his adorable family out near the trail on the first ride back to the car. He, his gorgeous wife Jodi, and their two ANGELIC little Monsters, Raleigh and Zeke, were playing in the sprinklers. Turns out, they're just a few houses off the trail. Chef had already been out running, and had been thinking about a ride as well, but it seemed his Monsters had other plans for him. It was nice to stop and chat with him for a bit, and I got my Mike Hug(TM), which I've been sorely deprived of for months! I tried to convince Zeke to come over for a snuggle, but he was too busy pretending to be shy. Oh well. Eventually he'll be my friend, this I foretell!

We continued on to the car to grab bananas, a bit more Amino Vital, and a stretch/rest break. While there, we met a cute-as-hell Boykin Spaniel named Rudy. His person apologized for Rudy's lack of manners about 4 seconds before Rudy leapt up to lick my face off. PUPPY KISSES, YAY! He was very sweet, and I always appreciate a Puppy Break!

After about 10 minutes, we hit the North Fork. While there, we met Bruce Kulik, and his daughter, Katherine. Seventeen days ago, they lit out from Boston on a cross-country trip to San Francisco! How cool is that?? Their gear setup was pretty impressive, and so was their pace, and they were super sweet. Of course, now I'll be watching their blog obsessively to make sure that they make it to the City OK. I'm sure they will be fine, they seem to be old pros at this sort of thing. Also, it's really adorable that Katherine and her Dad are so tight that they'll spend 70 days cycling together.

I noted that it looked like we had a little weather moving in, and tried to keep a decent pace. The new seat is incredibly helpful, but I still had some residual pain from the other day's injuries, so I wasn't pushing too hard. It started to sprinkle, VG asked how I was doing, and I grumbled that my ass hurt. He suggested turning around, but by then, we were further from the car than we were from the restrooms, and I had to PEE. I said as much, noted that we were only about 3.5 miles from a real toilet, and kept going.

Then Thor noticed that he was wandering about with no pants on, and with an impressive crack of thunder, set about summoning a torrential downpour. We were drenched in mere seconds, and eventually, I had to take my sunglasses off so I could see through all the water dumping down. We made it to the restrooms safely and took shelter in the alcove of the building. I was grateful for the chance to pee, wring out my gloves, and make an effort to dry off a little. For a while, it looked like this:




...so we waited until the rain died down enough that we could at least see decently, and headed back to the car. All told, we ended up riding a bit over 11 miles in the rain, and 3.5 of those were in rain so heavy, visibility could be measured in inches. VG says this officially makes me hardcore.

I'm pretty sure all it made me was cold, wet, and surly.

Wildlife what I saw on the way back:

Deer: 1
Chipmunks: about a dozen
Wabbits: It was STILL wabbit o'clock!
OWL!!!: 1 Pretty sure it was a Barn Owl. It was way too huge to be a Screech.

We briefly considered waiting to see if the sun would show up, and decided that even if it did, it wouldn't be a good idea to continue. The pavement was wet, our handlebar wraps were soaked, and our brakes were pretty well useless, what with everything being wet. And we were cold, which is a BAD idea for me, cold being the major trigger for my RA. So we took stock of our energy levels, determined that if it were still dry, the final 15-ish miles would be no issue, and called it done. We loaded Shuri up, and cranked the heat.

I have never been so grateful for a hot shower, I'll tell ya. Hot hot hot, just to get the chill out of my bones, then just a smidge cooler than boiling so I could enjoy Amy's lovely soap. I'm sure I've mentioned this before, but it bears repeating - I am grateful for Foam on the Range soaps, because they soothe the chafed bits instead of stinging and making me cry from the pain. Sweet relief!

VG promptly scarfed down a cheeseburger after we got warmed up and got our disgusting and soggy gear tended to. Me, I crawled into bed and died for a couple hours with Bailey-cat, who was a perfectly serviceable ass-warmer.

Since it's Father's Day, Alex and I cooked VG a nice steak dinner, complete with wine, grilled zucchini, twice baked potatoes, and a salate caprese. And we've been making cocktails with rum, lavender soda, and rose essence, which cure all manner of ills:

*2 shots rum
*1/4 teaspoon rose essence
*1/3 bottle lavender soda

Pour over ice, stir.

This will probably be delicious with vodka, too.

I am now on the verge of drifting off to sleep the sleep of the just. Or perhaps of the dead. Or the drunk. Or the just dead drunk. Whichever, all I know is I pedaled my ass off today, deserved my rum, and now I want to sleep!

Tell me about your favorite booze!


--Missy, the Fat Bottomed Girl

In Which I Go Out Twice, And Fail To Meet My Goal

Well, that sucked.

Yesterday, we were set to do 35 miles. Since we had a doctor's appointment in the early afternoon, we got up at 6AM to head for Oak Openings.

I had been out the entire day on Wednesday, and thus did not take my medication on time. Normally, this isn't a big deal, but if I have to be up at OMG O'Clock and I've taken my meds late, I'm a very special kind of Stupid. And sometimes my body rebels. Mistake Number 1!

While I was out Wednesday, I bought a new seat cover for my bike. The gel seat had been damaged and half the gel had oozed out, so I replaced it with a "memory foam" dealie that was supposed to be more comfy and offer better protection from saddle soreness. Mistake Number 2, though that didn't become apparent until it was too late.

Mistake Number 3 was thinking after the first mile of feeling Really Wrong that it would pass and I'd be able to get into my groove. It not only did not pass, it got worse, and it took all my concentration to stay upright and make it to our first checkpoint at the Springbrook area. It took 56:10 to go 8.79 miles, way slower than my average pace has been lately. Now, mind, I'm generally not hung up on pace - if I need to slow down so I can get where I'm going without doing myself in, I'm going to slow down, and timing be damned. But this was different. I was dizzy, had tunnel vision, and was incredibly saddlesore. The hell? I had gotten that completely under control, the new seat was supposed to be even better than the old one?

The tunnel vision was so bad that apparently I had a deer come practically right up to me, and I didn't even notice her. Damn.

Getting off my bike at Springbrook was excruciating, and I wasn't sure I was going to be able to stand up. I did manage to limp off for a pee, which was similarly excruciating. Fuck. I am bruised and battered from lack of cushioning, and THAT is simply NOT a place you want to be bruised and battered. I took my bottle of Amino Vital over to a bench and very gingerly perched upon it to get a drink and try to get my head to stop buzzing. Two swallows in, and I wanted to vomit. That would have been really bad, I really needed to keep that down.

The Vita Guru thought if I took a little time to breathe and finish my drink, I'd probably be OK, but the longer I sat, the sicker I felt, so he hopped back on his bike to ride back and fetch the car. I swear, that was the longest 45 minutes of my life. I struggled to keep my AV down, and remained pretty still on the bench. A very nice lady with a very kissy Jack Russell named Ginger stopped to ask me if I was OK, she said I looked very pale. I assured her that pale is my default state and I just needed to sit for a bit, but she sat with me for a while until she was satisfied that I was not going to keel over. (Thank you, Evelyn, and thank you, Ginger, for checking up on a total stranger. It was very kind of you.)

VG showed up with the car, loaded up my bike and tucked me into the front seat. We agreed that we should go back out later to try again. When I got home, I tended to my injuries as best I could, and CRASHED for nearly 3 hours.

We had an appointment with the eye doctor, then we headed back out. The first order of business was to return the seat cover to Dick's, and replace it with one that actually performed as promised. While we were there, we thought I should pick up some padded cycling shorts to help protect my poor bruised bits. Hey, padded shorts were on sale, cool! I usually ride in a pair of New Balance running tights, they do a pretty good job of preventing chafing, unless I'm stupid and wear all cotton undies. They're an XL, so I started with that.

OK, seriously, are you KIDDING me? XL was NOT in any way an XL. Laughable. XXL? Was probably closer to a size 6 or maybe an 8. VG suggested I try the men's sizes. No. The mens were bigger than the womens, by a good margin, but still not in the realm of XXL. We had to leave, or I was going to start screaming. Apparel manufacturers piss me right the hell off. Yes, it's lovely that the women who are athletic and trim want to look cute in their bike shorts, but fat chicks ride, too! (Have you guys never listened to Queen? Listen to the wisdom of Freddie!)

We went back out, and tried again. The new seat was a HUGE improvement, but it was pretty clear that the existing bruising was going to be a problem. I did a lot of standing up, but it eventually got to the point that I was in tears and had to stop at 15.88 miles. On the bright side, I DID finally get to see another deer - she bounced out onto the trail about 4 miles before I had to stop. She even held still for a minute!

So, my total for the day was 24.67 miles. Disappointing, to be sure, but I do actually like myself well enough to know when to pay more attention to my injuries than my ego. My ego can shut the hell up for a couple days, while I tend to my Very Upset Bits, and that's that.

I am treating myself nicely until Sunday - ice, ibuprofen, and sangria! I stayed off the bike today and will likely do so tomorrow as well to make sure that I've healed up sufficiently.

On Sunday, we're going out to do 50 miles. Sunday will be our last long training ride before the Bike to the Bay next Saturday and Sunday! EEEEEEEE! I am confident that Sunday will be fine, and I am very excited about the ride.

I can totally do this thing!


--Missy, the Fat Bottomed Girl

In Which I Fall Off The Bike

YOU GUYS!! 18.17 miles in 1:38!!

Also, I fell off my bike this evening.

No, really. No, don't be all worried or horrified or anything like that. I'm not hurt at all! Not even wounded pride. Essentially, I had to make the choice between potentially hurting myself to stay upright, or just say "Fuck it", and lay the bike down in a ditch. I chose the ditch options.

The thing with the Wabash Cannonball Trail is that there are a TON of roads crossing it. Generally, you can just give a look each way and keep going, but there are a couple busy ones that you have to completely stop for. I'm not sure if it was Berkey Southern or Wilkins, but it was not far from finishing, in any case. Traffic was such that I had to stop. I was slightly inattentive to how close to the edge of the pavement I was, so when I set foot to pedal again, I lost control of the front tire - it turned hard into the dirt and I couldn't yank it back in time or get my foot down in time to stay upright. So I let it go, and down I went.

Scared the hell out of the Vita Guru. I think he forgets sometimes that I used to ride my bike all over Hell's Half Acre for many years before I even knew of his existence, let alone married the worry-wort. He hopped off his bike to peer at me and make sure I hadn't died, and after I made it clear I was fine, he said "You went kersplut. That's not good."

Well, true, usually, but the alternative was worse. Really, the worst part of lying upside down on an incline in the soft, wet grass, was having my 10 ton bike lying atop me. Ah well.

Wildlife seen this evening:

Beavers: 1
Woodchucks: 3
Bluebirds: 2
Cardinals: 8
Wabbits: 9
Chipmunks: OMG!
Chickens: 6
DEER!!: 1 doe, who leapt out into the middle of the trail, scaring the hell out of the kid she landed in front of, and causing me to squeal with delight.
Karner Blue Butterflies: 2 These are Federally protected, and were thought for a while to be extinct. They aren't, YAY! But they are still endangered, boo.

I'm glad the weather was cooperative today. It had rained most of the day, and I was a bit worried. But, no, it all worked out.

I'm riding in the nabe tomorrow and Wednesday. Thursday, VG and I are going out to Oak Openings to ride 36 miles. And Sunday, he says we're doing 50. Well, OK then. I guess it's sink or swim time, and I seem to be swimming just fine!

TWELVE DAYS! EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!

I need to weed the playlist and start moving things around.


--Missy, the Fat Bottomed Girl

Shady Trails

There was a change of plans yesterday!

I hopped out of bed earlier than usual, bright-eyed and bushy-tailed and ready to get into trouble, so I dragged Younger Monster out of bed and offered him breakfast at Big Boy if he would go shopping with me. He rarely turns down the opportunity for pancakes, so off we went.

While at breakfast, I expressed my desire to ride somewhere other than through the neighborhood. It's fine for the 5 and 10 miles rides, but after that, it's boring as hell. I thought about Greenwood Park, but Elder Monster says those are all dirt trails. Ugh. Younger Monster suggested the neighborhood behind Greenwood Park, but there didn't seem to be any pattern to the streets. I considered bussing over to the University Parks Trail, but he thought that would be a bad idea, because it was already 82 degrees, I'd be far from home, and alone, and if I had trouble, there wouldn't be anyone there to assist right away. (Recall, I have RA, and that sometimes attacks out of nowhere.) Plus, my bike weighs almost as much as the Prius.

I mulled all of my choices over whilst shopping, and after we got home and put the groceries away, I called The Vita Guru.

Hey, you work til 5, right?

"Yah?"

Wanna go over to Oak Openings again tonight and ride? It's too hot to ride in the neighborhood, and it's boring. It will be cooler there.

"OK, have Bubba start getting things together so we can just load up and go!"

So he arrived a bit after 5, we started loading up, and I was running about looking for my jersey.

VG, did you wash my jersey? (He does most of the laundry, I cook. It's an equitable split.)

"No, I didn't. It needs to be washed separately. I have extras, though."

I couldn't fit my tits into one of yours if I held my breath and tried hard.

"*GUFFAW*"

So I wore my orange Oberon shirt. *shrug*

It was glorious at the Preserve, even though it was still 85 degrees at 6:45PM. I cranked up the tunes and took off.

Wildlife spotted:

Baby woodchucks: 2
Adult woodchucks: 5
Wabbits: 8
Suicidal chipmunks: 17 It was seriously Chipmunk O'Clock, and they are fearless.
Horses: 2
Chickens: 3
Dogses: 7

There were also quite a few more people out - runners, roller-bladers, families on bikes, cohorts of Little Old Ladies out for a stroll, and even a wheelchair athlete. The trail is mostly shaded, so it was much cooler than out in the open, and the breeze was so wonderful! We broke at 9 miles for Amino Vital, Gu energy gels (that was...weird. Didn't taste bad, but the consistency was really weird), and some leg stretching, and I realized that I was a bit chafed where the elastic of my undies was. *grrr* It made the 9 miles back a bit uncomfortable, and forced a slight drop in pace, but I seem to have survived it just fine. We had steak and pasta and wine for supper, and I slept like a stone!

Today, I'm taking a day off from riding, and doing some exercise of a different sort - we're heading up to Pentamere Winery to help bottle Peach wine! There are generally more than enough people to handle the line lately, so I usually occupy myself with labeling, or jumping behind the counter to help Nate when the tasting room is full...or I just stay out of the way and drink wine! And today, we're barbecuing after the bottling is done, so I have made my amazing BBQ Beans and a strawberry, blueberry, and banana trifle.

Tomorrow, the Vita Guru and I are going to load up his panniers and head back out to Oak Openings, and try for 35 miles. I'm confident that I'm ready for the jump, and if I handle it without feeling like crap after, the Vita Guru will be satisfied that I'll be able to handle 50 miles a day without dying.

TWO WEEKS, you guys! The ride is in TWO WEEKS! Please, please, please hit the Sponsor link in the sidebar, even if you can only spare a dollar, and please spam my link far and wide. The National MS Society is a great organization, they do a lot of good for people who are dealing with a nasty, mean disorder, and they need all the help they can get!


-- Missy, the Fat Bottomed Girl

Now, With Wildlife!

Today's ride was exciting!! 18.12 miles in 1:40!!

I know, it looks like a plain old straight line on the map, and it is, but what a straight line! We started at the Springbrook Picnic Area at Oak Openings Metropark, rode a 9 mile stretch of the North Fork of the Wabash Cannonball Trail to just before Fallen Timbers Battlefield, stopped for 10 minutes to chug some Amino Vital, the turned around and rode back.

The morning started with excitement of a different sort, though. I recently bought a bike rack to put on the back of the Prius, because The Vita Guru insisted that there was no way we were getting two bikes into the back of Shuri. So we set it up, strapped the bikes in, added some bungie cords, and off we went.

We got a ways down Alexis, nearly to Regency Hospital, when suddenly there was a KATHUNK, and one of the bikes dropped from view. YIPES! We pulled into the hospital parking lot to see what happened, and discovered that the small support struts on the sides of the rack had popped loose, so the rack collapsed. Both bikes were fine, thankfully, and we learned right there that yes, Shuri can in fact accommodate two bicycles! We're going to reinforce the rack tomorrow so this isn't a problem again.

So, off we went to Oak Openings, and we hit the trail!

Wildlife spotted:

Box turtles hauling ass down the path: 1
Bluebirds: 1
Cardinals: Flocks and herds! Seriously, they were everywhere!
Toads: 1
Horses: 2
Wabbits: 3
Orioles: 3
Scarlet Tanagers: 1
Suicidal Chipmunks: At least a dozen. Instead of getting out of the way, they charge you! But they're cute as hell.
Dogses: 4
Dragonflies nearly swallowed: 1 Ugh, they taste NASTY and BITTER! Gross.

It couldn't have been a more perfect ride! Well, actually, it could have been. My battery died at mile 16, so I did the last 3 miles with no tunes! This will not be an issue for the big ride, though, because I just ordered some extended batteries for my EVO! I will not be caught without my primary means of motivation!

At the end of the ride, we guzzled some concoction The Vita Guru had thrown together and loaded the bikes into the car. The Vita Guru got the bright idea to pop his front wheel off to make it easier, and it was. But he left his wheel in the grass, and didn't realize until we were halfway home. Around we turned, back to fetch the wheel.

It was right where he left it! When he went to fetch it, though, some dude called across the parking lot "Oh, man, I was just about ten minutes from taking that!"

WTF?

What, did he want a cookie? "Hey, thanks for not being a thieving dickface!" Douchetruck.

What kind of wildlife have y'all spotted lately?


--Missy, The Fat Bottomed Girl

My Uniform!

I mentioned the other day that I got my super sharp bike jersey, right? Well, I finally took a minute to snap a couple pics!

Here's the front:

Nice and simple. Elegant, almost! I like it better than the completely pale blue one The Vita Guru had a couple years ago, but not as well as the white, black, and royal blue one he had last year. Them's the breaks, I guess.

Here's the back:

NO PRESSURE OR ANYTHING, GUYS!

I kind of like the fierce badassery of the back, though. I am Athlete, hear me RAWR!

Or, hear me bitch about my bits burning. Whichever.

The Vita Guru wants me to wait til he gets home to take my ride today, I'm aiming for twice around without feeling ouchy. And I really need to do some more work on that playlist.


-- Missy, The Fat Bottomed Girl

I Went Out With My Biker Gang!

Torrie was over today, she brought her bike, and The Pedalin' Pansies hit the road! (That's what The Vita Guru calls us!) The weather was gorgeous, if a bit windy - OK, a lot windy! - and we set out to get Torrie into the groove.

I went once around, not quite 6 miles today. I had hoped to go a bit further, but we lost Tor at the 3 mile mark. This was her first attempt at something longer than a short ride, and I can certainly sympathize with the "Oh, hell no!" that her bod gave to her. I remember a few years back, riding over to my in-laws' place, just about 4 miles away. I couldn't ride back, it was that bad.

That's OK! We're going to keep getting her out there, keep building up her stamina, and keep encouraging her to go a little further, try a little harder. She'll get there! And it's fun to have a posse out in the neighborhood with me.

Especially today. Some time after Tor and Bubba fell behind, I cruised around by the school and some dude yelled at me to stop. So I did. He demanded to know who I was and what I was doing. Er? I told him that my name was not his business, and it should be obvious what I'm doing.

"I've never seen you around here before."

Well, I ride at different times. I'm training for a distance event.

"I've lived here six months, and this is the first I've seen you!"

Oh, wow, a whole six months? I've lived in this nabe for more than SIXTEEN YEARS! So I said so. He launched into a tirade about strangers around the school, and he would call the police if he saw me "stalking around" by school again. (A school I volunteered in for 12 years, I might add.) The hell? I told him to go ahead, but to not expect anything to come of it.

My friends all tell me I have a Weirdo Attraction Field.

It becomes ever more apparent that they're correct.

Have you been stopped while getting your daily exercise on?


-- Missy, The Fat Bottomed Girl

Here I Go A Cycling

So, off I went with the Vita Guru for a spin around the neighborhood. Only once around today, I'm finding I'm having some difficulties with my hands, wrists, and elbows today.

I'm fairly certain that a good part of that is the repetitive strain injury in my right arm from work. Current work projects have no keyboard shortcuts, so it's clicky-clicky-clicky all day, and that is certainly causing problems. But part of it, too, is that I think my handlebars may be sitting too low. Bubbazander is home tomorrow all day, so I'm going to have him adjust them for me so there isn't so much pressure any more.

I'm also a little concerned about the brakes and gears. Bubba keeps working on the brakes, and they keep slipping anyway. And the gears just don't shift. So. I dunno, I'm sure that when I take the bike in for the pre-ride inspection and tune-up, the fella at The Bike Route will get it all sorted out. Still, it's a little worrisome.

I can't believe the ride is in just FIVE WEEKS! OMG! It's getting close! And to underscore that, my "rider packet" arrived from the Vitamin Shoppe today. They sent me a gorgeous white and gold jersey, a fancy pants shaker cup, and a whey protein packet that is probably going to taste terrible, but I'm going to try it anyway. I'll take pics of the jersey later, suffice to say, it's a pretty cool uniform.

Five weeks. Of course, I'm still looking for sponsors, so if you've got a couple bucks to throw at a terrific organization, hit the sponsor link in the right sidebar. Every little bit helps, and the people who are helped by the MS Society would be so very appreciative!

I could eat a moose, but I think I'm going to content myself with some angel hair and shrimp tonight. What's for dinner at your house tonight?

--Missy, The Fat Bottomed Girl

Pouring One Out For MCA

I learned to my shock and dismay that Adam Yauch, better known as MCA, co-founder of the Beastie Boys, lost his battle with cancer this morning.  He was only 47 years old, just 5 years older than I am.  This really hurts my heart.

What does this have to do with me riding?  Well, the Beasties figure pretty heavily into my playlist.  What better way to get motivated than to have the Beasties hollering at you to fight for your right to party?

Thanks for the fun music, MCA.  Wherever you've gone, I hope the parties are bitchin'.

That...didn't work out as well as I had hoped

Memo to Self:

Don't wear 100% cotton underwear when you're going to try distance riding in 90 degree heat.  Dumbass.

Seriously, especially you folks with girl-bits:  you really want nice synthetic undies when you're riding, or you are going to chafe like a mofo in a place you definitely DON'T want to chafe.  This is doubly true when you're sporting a lot of junk in your trunk.

Gold Bond Medicated Powder is my BFF right now.  Gods.

Anyway, it was not quite 90, closer to 88, when we decided to go out.  I had taken a nap, and woke up to find  The Vita Guru in a bit of a panic.  He had been doing laundry - YES, my husband does the laundry! - and watching bad TV, when the main breaker flipped, and refused to come back on.  It did this several times last summer, it only happens when the AC is running and we have other stuff on.  Well, washer, dryer, ceiling fans, big TV, dehumidifier...and the breaker got too hot and yelled "Bugger all this for a lark!" and shut itself off.

We didn't have anything else to do while we waited for it to cool down, so off we went.

This was the route today, which is seriously candy-assed (heh):



Lame. 4.51 miles, when I was hoping to go at least 10 today. But when you can feel the tender skin rubbing right off your nethers...well, fuck that. I called it off, and we headed for home.

Let me tell you something besides Gold Bond I'm terribly grateful for: Foam on the Range soaps. Not just because Amy is my dear friend, but because when you wash up with her soap, IT DOESN'T STING THE CHAFED BITS. And in fact, it was soothing and I was so grateful that having a shower didn't make me cry.

In the meantime, the electricity is back up, lots of things have been turned off, the AC is back on and working like a champ to get the temperature inside the house back down to something reasonable, Rocky is crashed out and snoring, and I'm just about to do the same.

Bubbazander promised to go out for a ride with me after he gets home from work tomorrow, before I leave to go meet up with The Vita Guru to see The Avengers (EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!  Sorry, I have a mad thing for Robert Downey, Jr. AND for comic books.).  AND!  And, and, and!  Torrie said she'd come ride with me after finals are over, so I can start pestering her on Monday!  I will have a posse, y'all!  Oooh, no, a biker gang!

What shall we call ourselves?

--Missy, the Fat Bottomed Girl

Found A New Tool!

It turns out the Google Maps has a nifty map creation feature that looked like it would let me plot out yesterday's ride and figure out just how far I went.  It also turns out that the damned thing is so fiddly, I determined I had neither patience nor alcohol enough to mess with it - after an HOUR!  AN HOUR!.  So I went looking for a new tool that wouldn't make me wish I was an alcoholic.


Found one!  It's called Map My Ride, and it will both track while you're riding (though not as nicely as with SportyPal) and let you map a route out by hand.  Took a whole five minutes and zero alcohol.

Wait...I think I got robbed there...

Anyway, here's yesterday's ride:

...and if you're super nosy, you can see a full sized map here.  I'd apologize for the sloppiness of the drawing, but I think I did pretty decently for a crotchety, foul-tempered arthritic, so I'm going to skip that. ;)

SO!  8.8 miles!  Not bad, if I do say so myself.  And I do!  And I don't feel like I want to die, and I feel like if I lie down for an hour this afternoon and go out once the temperature is more reasonable than the current 88 degrees, I might even manage three full laps around the neighborhood.  I'm dragging The Vita Guru out with me, since he's been off all day, and we'll see where this training ride takes me!

If I make it home in one piece, I shall celebrate with a hot shower, raspberry walnut glazed pork, sweet potato chips, and half a bottle of Pentamere's new release, May Wine!

Dear Ma Nature,

Please drop the temperature about 15 degrees, so I can ride without dying, and sooner rather than later.  I really want that May Wine!

--Missy, the Fat Bottomed Girl

Return of The Fat Bottomed Girl

I know, I know, I've been really quiet.  A lot has been going on lately, and some things required that I just be gentle with myself for a while.  I've been riding since last I wrote, and walking a lot, too.  But I did take a full week off.

On Saturday, April 21st, my much beloved Pit Bull-Labrador mix, Whiskey Jack, was taken suddenly from me by a previously undiagnosed liver tumor at the age of ten.  We had adopted Jack from the Toledo Area Humane Society in 2005, and we loved him with everything that we had.  He was a wonderful companion, a loyal friend, and my heart is shattered for the loss of him.  I still wait every morning for him to come to me to share some toast, and every afternoon for him to remind me in his inimitable way that it's time for a nap...and every day, my heart breaks all over again.

It's really hard to give a damn about riding your bike when you're grieving for the loss of a dear friend.  Can't see much when you're crying, either.  So, I didn't ride last week.  Did some walking with Rocky - whose presence has been a balm to my broken heart - and did some walking on my own, but I admit I neglected my bike, and I am unapologetic about that.  Sometimes, you just need to be nice to yourself, and damn the workout.

Today, I hopped back on, and Bubbazander and I did the neighborhood route for 1 3/4 laps, which The Vita Guru estimates is about 8.5 or 9 miles.  We only came home when we did because it was getting too dark to see - our neighborhood has no streetlights!  Ridiculous if you want to go out and ride around in the evening!

It was a very good ride, with very few issues!  Bubbazander and I had great conversation throughout, and he was very motivational.  He noted that I'm having fewer difficulties with talking while riding, which means that my lung capacity and stamina are increasing, YAY!

My ass?  Still sore.  But it's no longer that burning, stinging, so awful I can't bear to move sore.  Rather, it's a sort of vague ache, which is much more tolerable than wanting to fill the bathtub up with ice and park myself in it!

The only major setback, aside from dusk falling, is that I was inattentive at the start of the ride and did not make sure that SportyPal had started.  So my ride did not get tracked.  ARRRGH!  I have no idea how long it took, or how my pacing was, and I can only guess at the actual distance.  I wonder if I can map it out by hand?  I guess I'll be fiddling with the site a bit after supper, won't I?

Anyway, I'm back.  I'm a little broken and sad still, but I'm carrying on and getting better and I'm determined to be ready for this thing.  I've got two months left, and I need to make them count, right?

I think Jack would be pleased with my progress.

--Missy, the Fat Bottomed Girl

Nifty Tools Make Training More Interesting

So, The VitaGuru has been using this cool toy on his Android phone called SportyPal Pro to track his running routes. It will track your route via GPS, and based on your time and distance, will calculate how many calories you've burned, and will even calculate your elevation. And if you're brave - or foolish, or both - you can take all this info and Tweet it, Facebook it...and apparently embed it in your blog: How cool is that, I ask you? Isn't living in the future just the awesomest thing? And you can click on the buttons up there and see all kinds of cool stuff. If you click the 3D button, frex, you can get a tour of my route, via Google's Street View. The question mark button will explain what the different line colors mean, and also what the rest of the buttons mean. Nifty, no?

So, you can see the route I rode today, which is a slight departure from my usual route, as the VitaGuru rode with me, and we got to yapping, and I got all distracted by what we were yapping about and forgot to turn down East Benalex on the trip back home. And, we only did one lap around today, because my hands were all cramped up and I couldn't tolerate another lap with Arthritis Claw(TM) making life miserable. Pity, that, because I'm finally starting to get my saddle! In fact, all I had to say about my ass was "My bits are burning!". 'Cause, well, THEY WERE!

What? No, I am NOT going to pretend that I haven't got delicate bits getting all smashed up. I did say I was gonna let it all hang out. Well, figuratively, anyway. The point is, they were burning, I was bitching, and Elder Monster's girlfriend thought it was the funniest thing ever. And in the in-between, well, my sit-bones are a little achy, but that's it. I don't feel like I want to die, so I'm assuming progress is being made!

Anyway, according to this lovely bit of tracking, today's ride was 5 miles, completed in 44 minutes and 13 seconds, at an average speed 6.8mph (I'm still a bit of a slowpoke). And I burned off 346 calories! I typically go twice around the neighborhood, and I typically don't skip East Benalex, so my usual ride around the neighborhood is a solid 10 miles.

Starting next week, I want to see if I can make it three times around the neighborhood. When I can do that consistently without falling off my bike and dying, The VitaGuru says we'll go out to Oak Openings to ride the 18 mile trail. And when I can do that one consistently, we'll probably be starting road work.

Admittedly, I've been taking it a little easier this week, what with having to deal with breathing through a rather tender and sore nose. Until around Thursday, any jump in blood pressure, however slight, made itself known by making my poor, fractured nose throb. As of today, though, the pain has settled to a dull, intermittent ache, and it's not so distracting.

 Elder Monster has promised to be my biking buddy after he gets home from work tomorrow, not that he really needed an arm twisting, since he bought a shiny new bike to show off. It's nice having someone to ride with from time to time, and I'm looking forward to some road time with my Monster! Who's up for a ride around the 'hood tomorrow?

--Missy, the Fat Bottomed Girl

It's The Blogging That's Killing Me

My darling readers!

I hope this finds you all happy and well, and relaxed after some Easter time?  Mind, I don't celebrate Easter - what with being a Heathen and all, Ôstara was back at the Equinox - but I do appreciate that my Christian friends have managed things such that my family gets a weekend together, away from work.  Thanks, y'all!

My family and I - and Elder Monster's adorable girlfriend, who at this point has been family for years! - spent Easter weekend in Chicago.  So, for three days, I did not ride my bike!  I did, however, walk and walk and walk and walk, so I don't feel too bad about this turn of events.  My legs need just as much stamina as my ass, after all, since they all need to work in concert to keep me upright and pedaling!  Anyway, it was good to have some family time, to spend some time soaking up culture and history and good food and some pretty nice weather.

I snagged an injury on Sunday evening - upon my return home, my puppy promptly broke my nose whilst greeting me.  He didn't smash it to bits, thankfully, "just" cracked it, but it puffed up and it hurts, and it probably will for a couple more weeks.

I have ridden every day but Monday and Thursday this week - Monday being a recovery day from travel and some much needed quiet time after getting hit in the face by Dogzilla, and Thursday because I just felt like taking the day off.

So, it's not the riding that's taking a toll.  It's figuring out how to WRITE about it!  Seriously, it's not terribly interesting for folks to hear "I rode my bike today, whoo!"  Is it?  Beats the hell out of me.  I suppose I need to ride in places other than just in my neighborhood, and I probably need to start taking some pictures of interesting things.  I certainly don't want to bore y'all!

Maybe I'll have some interesting things to say after going to the gym to lift tomorrow?

OK, it might all be swear words, but those can be interesting, right?


--Missy, the Fat Bottomed Girl

In Which Our Heroine Learns About Wind

It was a GORGEOUS day in Toledo today, my darlings!  Beautiful, sunny, warm, breezy.

OK, not so much with the breezy.  IT WAS WINDY AS HELL!

The Vita Guru took off for work this morning, I grew weary of swearing at my own pile of work, so I hopped into the saddle and went twice around the neighborhood.  And it took For. Ever.  I am not even kidding.  It was really difficult to stay upright, I felt like I was going to be flung halfway across the state - if not to Oz itself! - at any moment!  But it was a great ride, even if it was really difficult and my legs burn and MY BUTT HURTS!

(I did a bunch of hip lifts after the ride to soothe the aching tuckus, and it seems to have helped quite a bit, but the "sit bones" are still burning and complaining at me.  It's hard to convince the junk in your trunk to stay situated such that it doesn't hurt so much!)

My playlist is steadily coming along, as I add songs, remove songs, and rutsch the whole thing around.  A couple weeks ago, my bestie introduced me to this song:

Isn't Florence just amazing?  Not only is she beautiful and supernaturally graceful, she's got her some PIPES!  There's something about this song that gets my heart beating and my legs pumping, and though it's probably going to catch some bugs, I can't help but sing along as I pedal down the road.  I've seen Florence live, and have a bunch of her stuff in the Ride playlist, but this one in particular has really been speaking to me lately.

Perhaps unsurprisingly, The Beastie Boys have also been in heavy rotation.  What?  I'm a child of the 80s, and I reserve the right to rock out to the soundtrack of my mis-spent youth as it pleases me!  (Also, MCA is looking mighty fine these days.  Not as fine as Lenny Kravitz, mind, but does ANYONE look as fine as Lenny Kravitz, I ask you?)

In spite of the pain of getting this bounteous booty into shape, I find that the music helps me power through it.  It helps me focus, helps my pedaling switch to auto-pilot so I can concentrate on important things, like not getting blown out of the saddle!

Even better, when I got home, I found my order from Foam On The Range waiting for me, so I had my pick of lovely things for my post ride shower.  Mmmm, Juniper and Sage SunSoap!

We had a very healthy supper tonight - chicken stir fry with broccoli, carrots, peppers, a slivered up Meyer lemon, and black rice.  I felt positively ravenous, but I was very modest in my portion, as the Vita Guru and I need to go for a blood draw tomorrow, and need to fast for 12 hours.  I don't want anything messing with my results, because I hate having follow-up visits with the vampires.

So, I'm well exercised, well-washed, and well fed, and I'm so very tired.  Tomorrow, a longer ride, and hopefully my butt will stop complaining so much.  And with luck, I'll get better about writing about my adventures!

Tomorrow, I'm going to be bad.  The Vita Guru and I are heading up to Evans Street Station to meet up with friends for the Oberon release party.  I promise I'll ride first!!  Oberon is what tells me that Spring is really here.

What's your favorite Springtime vice?


--Missy, the Fat Bottomed Girl

Worst. Training. Ride. Ever.

So you know how all the trainers say that you should at least train lightly when you're not feeling well?  I think they might be full of it.

The past four days, I limited my training time to A Lot Of Walking.  It being the one week out of twelve that I get to spend cramped up and miserable - thanks to the miracle of Seasonique, and screw you, Rick Santorum - I figure that A Lot Of Walking is plenty of exertion when one is in pain.

I felt much better this morning, so I figured I'd get back on the bike this afternoon.  But I haven't felt right since lunch time!  I attributed it to maybe having too substantial a lunch - a couple of homemade chicken soft tacos - and figured I'd just wait until The Vita Guru got home from work, and drag him out with me.

Well...I tried.  Even though I was still feeling a bit off, I still hopped on the bike, and off I went!  And made it...down to the first roundabout on Rolland before I started feeling like the Earth was spinning around my head.

"This isn't working.", I called over my shoulder.  The Vita Guru told me to head back for home, then.  I did, and made it without falling off my bike, but I still feel dizzy and gross.  It's not even hot outside!

The Vita Guru says it still counts as training.  But far from feeling better, I actually feel worse. 

Tomorrow is another day, I guess.


--Missy, the Fat Bottomed Girl

Aches and Pains

I spent the weekend out of town, having a grand time, and walking about 8.4 bajillion miles.  I have to say, I have never been so grateful to sit the hell down as I was at the end of the weekend.  Which is not to say that I disdain walking - it tends to be my primary mode of transport - but I did a very lot of it in quite a short time.  With weather as beautiful as it was, how could I resist being out and about, I ask you?

So, while I didn't do the official training plan, I was still very active and got a lot of walking and such in, and it was good.

I took Monday off, as I needed to sleep, and that's what the plan says to do anyway, and took it easy on Tuesday - a good ride around the neighborhood, some dancing and stretching, and some more walking. 

Today, my body argued.  My left knee is giving me all kinds of hell, swollen and kind of tender, and I'm all cramped up and stiff.  I have to wonder which of the dogs beat me up in my sleep!

I have opted to be kind to myself today and just stretch in between bouts of work.  It has been...unpleasant.

With luck, the swelling will have subsided by tomorrow.  I need to get a good ride in before staying out all night with a bunch of teenagers for the midnight showing of The Hunger Games.

Wish me luck!

-- Missy, the Fat Bottomed Girl

I Don't Want To Be THAT Blogger

It occurs to me that I've talked rather matter-of-factly about supplements and such - not in great detail yet, but at some point I intend to.  And it occurs to me that such might not go over well with my readers.  So let me make something shriekingly and abundantly clear:

I am not a supplementoholic, and I am not a supplement evangelist.  This is not to say that I won't occasionally talk about things that I've had success with, but I am NOT going to claim that anyone is wrong or dumb or unhealthy or whatever if they are training for an event and choose not to supplement.

The Vita Guru and I go around about this all the time.  He gleefully makes himself a human guinea pig, tries every damned thing a vendor will hand to him, and gets frustrated with me because I flat out ignore the vast majority of his suggestions.  Yes, he's the expert on supplements, but I'm the expert on my body and my sensibilities, and I like to keep things pretty simple.  Drives him mad, it does.

That said, a number of things work really well for me.  Much as I dislike the taste of AminoVital, I certainly felt better after drinking it yesterday.  And there was some glutamine in there, too, which had the effect of telling my angry muscles to shut up and chill out.  I awoke in much less pain today than I would have if I had skipped that.

Performance enhancers and such?  Nope.  Not doing it.  And if you're training for a distance event of any sort and you don't want to do it either?  It's all good, bb.  The key to staying motivated and on track is to do what works for you!

So, if I yabble about some supplement that I have tried, please don't take it as an exhortation to go get it for yourself.  My purpose with my yabbling is to document what I'm doing and how I'm progressing.  I'm just dragging y'all along for the ride!

Speaking of ride, I went outside again today and toured the neighborhood.  A little bit longer today than yesterday, at about the same clip.  And it felt so good!

There's a lady in our neighborhood...I'm afraid we have a really mean nickname for her.  We call her Granny Cheeseburger, because she's so thin and emaciated that she really could stand to eat a cheeseburger or two.  I suppose we could give her a different nickname, but it turns out that she's an ill-tempered old woman with an entitlement complex, so Granny Cheeseburger it is.

Granny Cheeseburger gets out and rides her bike three or four times a day.  If you are out on your bike and pass her by in the opposite direction, rather than nod and smile as the rest of the neighborhood cyclists do, she glares and sneers.  If you ride up alongside of her and say hello or ask how she's doing, she glares and sneers and HAAARRRRUMPHS because you dare to speak to her.

And so it was today when I took my afternoon ride.  She was riding by just as I was turning out of my driveway.  Oh, hey, sez I.  Isn't it great that the weather has broken?

HAAARRRRUMPH

Have a nice ride!!


HAAARRRRUMPH

What a crab!  I wonder if she wakes up that foul tempered?


The rest of the two-wheeled crowd was out today, and in far better spirits!  I rode along with some neighbors I haven't seen all winter, and they were very encouraging of my goal.

Fine weather is probably the cure for many ills.  I certainly feel fine and cheerful today.  How about y'all?


--Missy, the Fat Bottomed Girl

In Which I Skip The Gym...

...in favor of sunshine and fresh air!!

(Bet you thought I was going to be all slackass, huh?)

It's a bit after 7PM here in Toledo, and the sun is only just now beginning to wander down to the horizon.  It's still 70 degrees, a GORGEOUS day - I want to call it Spring, but officially, it's still Late Winter.  For another couple days, anyway.  I'll incline my head to the calendar and the axial tilt and call it Late Winter...but it surely feels like Spring to me!

The air smelled so fresh and clean when I started gathering up my stuff for the gym...a change of clothes, the toiletry box, the pink hip scarf with silver coins and iridescent pink butterflies, the black spandex tights, the purple Camelback that The Vita Guru had considerately filled with AminoVital and who knows what else, the shaker cup with the post workout supplements he thought I should take...

I looked at my bag.  I looked outside.  I watched the dogs romping about.

Hey, Bubbazander?  (That's my Elder Monster, 20 years old, handsome, mouthy, and an avid cyclist.)

"Yeah Moo?"

Would you please get my bike down for me?

"Riding to the gym?"

It's a little late to go to the gym --

...and Younger Monster yells "MOTHER!" (Younger Monster is 16, an aspiring engineer, pendantic as hell, and a rules lawyer.  He knows what the training plan is, and will have a cow if I deviate.)

WHAT?!  I'M GONNA GO RIDE MY REAL BIKE!!

That was acceptable to Younger Monster.  When I had my playlist set and ready, I emerged from the house to find that Bubbazander had checked my tire pressure and brakes, and had adjusted both.

My bike is old, old, old.  It's an ancient Arrow, weighs about a ton, and is still in pretty great shape.  See?  (Jack likes to investigate bikes.  I think he thinks he can catch those better than cars.)  I like the red well enough, but I think I'm going to paint it sometime before June, a shiny bright purple, as is right and proper!

I even have safety equipment!  Dr. Warder thinks it's important to keep my brains all in one spot, so he got me the pretty Arella helmet that's been on my Wish List for a while.  It's shiny and pretty comfy, even if I do look like I have half an Easter Egg on my head!

I rode around the neighborhood, and I learned something - our neighborhood streets SUCK!  It's not so much that we have streets as we have long chains of potholes, broken up by the occasional patch of pavement.  YIPES!  I need to get used to it, though, because The Ride will be over lots of roads, and I'm sure most of them suck just as much.  This is Northwestern Ohio, after all.  The freeze and thaw cycle is hell on pavement!

Anyway, I rode a wibbly-wobbly path, making sure to go down every street, up around the school, and back through the route again.  The Vita Guru and I have done this route, and it's about 6 miles.  I did it at a pretty good clip, too, no pauses and no coasting.  I really, really wanted to coast after hauling ass up that incline on Celesta, though.  Yeesh. 

I suppose that on the days I ride outside, I should start using the tracker that The Vita Guru uses, to help me stay on top of where I go, where I should go, and how far I've gone.  Next time!

I also learned that I need to get a bottle clip for the bike.  I didn't have my Camelback with me - nowhere to put it! - and wow, was I a bit of a mess when I rolled up the driveway.  I belted back that quart of AminoVital like I hadn't had anything to drink in ever!  (On the upside, sucking it down so fast meant I couldn't taste it.  The stuff is great, but I don't care for the taste.)

So, the upshot of all this blithering is that I GOT TO GO OUTSIDE TODAY!  And it was sunny and breezy and beautiful and even though my ass is still mighty uncomfortable, I feel exhilarated and cheerful and really, really good!

Of course, skipping the gym meant no lifting.  Do you think I can count pedaling my tank of a bike, with my fluffy self atop it, as leg presses?


--Missy, the Fat Bottomed Girl

Dancin' Queen

I've been fiddling with the time I take my medications, so I can get out of bed earlier without feeling like my head is stuffed with fluff for a few hours, and it seems to be successful, so today's gym session was this morning instead of later in the day.

I walked the mile to the gym in a light, yet warm drizzle, and didn't mind the dampness a bit.  Especially not once I got the workout in motion!

Many women complain about not being able to get a decent workout because they get too much unwanted male attention at the gym.  This doesn't seem to be an issue with the fellas at my gym.  They don't pay much mind to the women wandering about, they're too intent on getting all their reps in.  And they CERTAINLY don't pay the fat chick any mind, she's not especially interesting...unless it's the fat chick who jingles as she wanders by.  I am often approached by men in the gym who want to know what all the jingling is about, and can I tell them where their wives or girlfriends can learn to bellydance?

Part of the fun of bellydance is having pretty shiny things to drape over yourself, and light, airy veils to decorate your arm work.  Now, I don't use veils much at the gym, mostly because it seems a little too "Hey, look at me!", even though veils are great for general dance workout purposes.  It's easier and more fun to stay motivated to get your arm carriage right when you're flinging around a couple yards of silk or organza.  But I will not forgo a hip scarf.  The shiny jingly things are not only pretty, they make noise and help you keep both rhythm and technique where you want them.  Essentially, the jingling sounds wrong if you're not executing the moves correctly.

I jingle on by, take a place in front of the big mirrors, and commence to dancing.  Today I added an extra song so I could work on abdominal isolations - mostly undulations, but also belly pops and rolls.  Core strength is essential when you're intending to ride a long distance!

(To put the distance in perspective, if I were doing it all in a straight route, I'd finish about 20 miles shy of Cleveland!)

Anyway, I did the basic warmup, then started the abdominals...and noticed I had acquired an audience.  A pair of very muscular guys, both about 6 feet tall, watching intently.  Well, OK.  I closed my eyes and kept going.  I had this luscious tune to dance to, after all:

Massive Attack - Inertia Creeps (State of Bengal Mix) (YouTube) 

"So...uh...bellydance, huh?"  He sounded a little shy, and wouldn't make eye contact.  His friend elbowed him.  "You could introduce yourself, dumbass."  I couldn't help it, I burst into giggles.  "Hey, guys, it's OK.  I know it's not usual to see someone dancing at the gym."

The first guy introduces himself.  He's James.  His friend is Chris.  They heard me jingle on by, and got curious.  Then they got surprised.  Chris was pretty gregarious.  "Baby, that was HOT!  Where did you learn to do that?  What music were you listening to?"  I showed him my playlist and let him hear a little of the last song.  He elbows James again, who is trying to be surreptitious about checking out my left hand.

Oh.  I see.

"Ah, sweetie, thanks, it's flattering, but I'm unavailable."  He jumped a bit, startled that he wasn't as sly as he thought he was.  "I don't see a ring!", he grinned.  But he didn't argue or fuss, he proferred his hand and said it was nice to meet me, and asked if it was OK to talk to me about dance if he saw me at the gym again, he wondered if men could do it, too.  Adorbs!

From thence, the boring part of the workout.  Seventy-five minutes on the bike, at a pretty steady, if somewhat moderate pace.  Then chest pulls, 30 reps at 50 pounds, and butterflies, 30 reps at 50 pounds.  A hot, hot shower.  Twenty minutes in the sauna.

A brisk walk the mile back home, and I was done.  Pleasantly tired, but not completely wiped out.  And amused by the fellas who tried chatting me up.

My ass, however, is still tender.  I will be so grateful when the nerve endings over my sit-bones stop firing pain messages at me!  Alas, it will be some weeks before I'm able to come home from a workout without yelling "MY BUTT HURTS!" when I walk in the door.

You think maybe I can find some ass-deadening cream or something?


--Missy, the Fat Bottomed Girl

A Slight Change In Schedule

The MS training plan calls for a long ride today, and either a short ride or no ride tomorrow.

Due to work load and having to restore my phone, I'm changing the schedule.  Today, I get the headache of work and phone and crabbing about the damp, cold weather.

I'll probably dance for a while today to get from stiffening up.  Tomorrow, I get to go back to entertaining you with Training Tales!

I Might Have Dog For Dinner

If you know me for real - as opposed to being someone who has just stumbled on these ramblings - you know I have an adorable 7 month-old puppy named Rocky.  See how adorable he is?  Seriously, cutest puppy ever.

And I'm pissed at him right now, because he's a buttface!

See, Rocky has this thing about chewing.  If it fits in his mouth, he chews on it.  He is pretty certain that this is the way the world works, and in spite of having great toys for chewing, he still forgets that some things are not his, and he chews.  And so it was with my sneakers.

Now, I didn't think the damage he did to my sneakers was too awful.  Some bite marks on the sole of one, and torn fabric on the heel of the other.  Meh, whatever, they're shoes and I don't care if they look raggedy.  I packed up my gym bag, tied up my shoes, and off I went.

I did my bellydance warmup, which got me all stretched out and limber.  The MS training plan called for two hours on the bike today, and my trainer wanted me to break that up into two sessions - ride for an hour, lift, ride for another hour.  I rode for an hour, amusing myself with music and reading G+, then nabbed my trainer and headed for the weights.  Since I'm looking to increase my stamina, Jay suggested we start with leg presses - 15 reps at 70 pounds.

...and that's where I found out that it wasn't just torn fabric on the back of that shoe.  The heel cup is damaged, too.  I learned this when I started my first press, and my foot popped right out of my shoe!

Dammit, Rocky!

I did learn that I can actually safely back 70 pounds down with only one leg!  Go me!

Unsafe shoes are not allowed, so Jay sent me packing.  No, don't get back on the bike, he said.  Can't be on the floor with a janked up shoe.  *sigh*  So off I went, workout cut short.

Kinda short, anyway.  It's a two mile walk from the gym to Target, where I had purchased my original sneakers.  These, in fact!  So I had a nice, brisk walk and found that they had one more pair in my size, clearanced out at $15!  Sneakers, a new towel, and out the door I went to walk the mile back home.

I guess the workout wasn't a total wash.  I did get in half an hour of warmups, an hour of riding, and a three mile walk - well, four if you count walking to the gym - but that's not doing diddly to get my actual ass conditioned for a long ride.  The Vita Guru calls it "getting your saddle".  I call it "getting my ass callouses", and that's the worst part of training!

I wonder if I could get ass callous implants?  And Rocky still isn't safe from being eaten for dinner, the little shit.