Friday, June 22, 2012

Almost Here!

Tomorrow.

Tomorrow, after all of the training, the owies, the bitching about the pain, the discovery that I can actually ride a lot further in one go than I ever thought I could...tomorrow I start the first leg of a journey of 100 miles.

We're leaving our cozy house at 5:45AM to head for the Lucas County Rec Center to turn in our paperwork, saddle up, and start the first leg!

I don't expect to have wireless access, or not much, anyway, so I'm going quiet til Sunday night. When I come back, there will be pictures and yabbling and probably some crabbing about saddlesores.

In the meantime, I'm still looking for sponsors! I'm only $25 shy of my minimum! Got a buck to spare? Flip it to the MS Society through the Sponsor Me link in the right sidebar! Know anyone else with a spare buck? Send 'em to me!

Off to bed, 5AM comes awfully early!

-- Missy, the Fat Bottomed Girl

Tuesday, June 19, 2012

Now With Better Suspension

No, I didn't buy a new bra. I probably should, though.

Nope, today I retired Red. He's served me well, but the fact of the matter is that he's not really road worthy any more - at least, not for the distance I'm going this weekend - and I was both starting to feel unsafe and really getting tired of the saddle induced injuries. I was just going to give Red a new saddle, but that would only have solved part of the problem.

Mind, a new bike was not in the plan, but things came together such that it was feasible, and now I've got a new pair of wheels:




The brakes on this are AWESOME, and now I have full use of the gears - all 21 of them. Suspension is terrific, the saddle is big enough that it's not all up in my bidniz, and the addition of the gel cover has made it just heavenly. Bubbazander and I made seat adjustments, I think the handlebars might still need a tweaking, but that will be easy enough to sort out.

Really, my only complaint with this bike is that it's not purple. But that's why Krylon gave us spray paint, so this is easily fixable. Not til after the Ride, though, because there's still some tweaking to be done.

This close to the Ride, I really ought not be doing distance rides, I don't want to wear myself out before I WEAR MYSELF OUT, but VG and I are going to load up the bikes and head out to Oak Openings on Thursday afternoon for one last 18 miler, so we can do whatever other tweaking needs to be done.

You guys, the ride is on SATURDAY!

Have you thrown a dollar at the MS Society through my sponsor link yet?


--Missy, the Fat Bottomed Girl


Monday, June 18, 2012

MS: Mean, Nasty, and Possessed of Crappy Timing

Big news across the blogosphere today, and relevant to my interests: Jack Osbourne, 26 year-old son of Ozzy, has been diagnosed with MS. Aw, hell. He and his fiancee just had a shiny new daughter, too. Parenting a newborn is already hard enough, but parenting a newborn and learning to deal with your freshly diagnosed auto-immune disorder at the same time? REALLY SUCKS.

MS, of course, doesn't care who it's slapping around. Here's a whole list of famous people who have struggled with MS. William Hartnell, the First Doctor? Geez!

And then there are people like Wendy Booker, who manage to give MS the finger and do what they want to do anyway. Wendy has scaled six of the Seven Summits, runs marathons, skydives, and intends to mush in the 2014 Iditarod!

[I am going to point out here that if I catch any of y'all using Wendy as a cudgel on other people with disabilities, I will walk to your house and whup your ass mydamnedself. Just because one person with a chronic illness can successfully pretend she's not really sick doesn't mean that everyone can, and no one has any business expecting them to, in any case. Don't make me come over there.]

Anyway, my point here is that MS can strike literally ANYONE. There's no way to predict who will be plucked up and smacked around. It's a mean, crappy illness that exacts a significant physical, mental, and financial toll on those it decides to invade. Tomorrow, it might be you. Or me. Or the cute young Mom down the street with the infant and the ridiculous dog. Or your own Mom. That's why I'm saddling up on Saturday to start a 100 mile tour. Every little improvement - from better therapies to better medications, tests that help pin down a diagnosis earlier, community support groups and educational outreach - makes a huge difference in the lives of people struggling with the day to day reality of living with MS.

The hard training is done. For the rest of the week, it's just 5 and 10 mile rides to keep my ass from getting too comfy in a state of rest. There's other work to do, though - I'm seeking sponsors through August 31st! I'm just $25 from my fundraising minimum of $250, but I'd love to get closer to my goal of $1000.

Please share the fundraising link far and wide, and if you've got just a dollar to spare, please consider throwing it at the MS Society. They do good, important work to help people who need every bit of help they can get.



--Missy, the Fat Bottomed Girl

Sunday, June 17, 2012

Someone Stole Thor's Pants



I stole the title from my friend Amy, proprietor and Chief Saponifier at Foam on the Range. It's an apt description of a thunderstorm, which is what part of today's ride ended up being in.

So, 35.75 miles today. Our goal was 50 miles, but Thor realized his britches were missing at around mile 22-ish, and it all went to Hell from there! And, in spite of the Vita Guru's intermittent fussing that I was going too slow, I'm quite pleased with my 9.5mph pace.

We got a later start than VG had planned, which didn't bother me in the slightest, since I haven't any care for some training "schedule" to adhere to. I'm supposed to plop my fat can in the saddle and go, not worry about what time it is! We parked at the Lakeside development and started on the South Fork of the Wabash Cannonball Trail. The weather was cool and delightful, and except for the cloud of tiny little bugs that endeavored to fly up my nose ALL AT ONCE, it was a great start to the ride. The South Fork is kind of "middle of nowhere" territory, so any bit of wind whistling across the fields reaches you unbroken. I had to pop an earbud out so I could hear VG, elsewise all I heard with my tunes was "WHOOOOOOOOOOSH".

You see some neat things on the South Fork:





Wildlife what I saw on the South Fork:

Wabbits: I lost count after 20. My darlings, it was well and truly wabbit o'clock!
Chipmunks: 2
Cardinals: Flocks and herds! They were really cheerful this morning.
Horsies: 6
Field mice: 3
Butterflies: 16, no Karner Blues, though. They aren't morning people.
Chefs: 1

Wait...

Well, I dunno, Chef Michael DuShane could probably be considered wildlife! He not only does triathalons and marathons, he's also just out of his mind enough to teach the Culinary Arts to high school students, and somehow manages not to kill them. Chef is, as far as I'm concerned, a Rock Star - he's the ONLY instructor Alexander has ever taken seriously, the only instructor whose opinion Alex has ever really valued. That's...pretty damned special, if you ask me, which you didn't, but it's my blog and I can opine if I want to.

It was a delightful surprise to find Chef and his adorable family out near the trail on the first ride back to the car. He, his gorgeous wife Jodi, and their two ANGELIC little Monsters, Raleigh and Zeke, were playing in the sprinklers. Turns out, they're just a few houses off the trail. Chef had already been out running, and had been thinking about a ride as well, but it seemed his Monsters had other plans for him. It was nice to stop and chat with him for a bit, and I got my Mike Hug(TM), which I've been sorely deprived of for months! I tried to convince Zeke to come over for a snuggle, but he was too busy pretending to be shy. Oh well. Eventually he'll be my friend, this I foretell!

We continued on to the car to grab bananas, a bit more Amino Vital, and a stretch/rest break. While there, we met a cute-as-hell Boykin Spaniel named Rudy. His person apologized for Rudy's lack of manners about 4 seconds before Rudy leapt up to lick my face off. PUPPY KISSES, YAY! He was very sweet, and I always appreciate a Puppy Break!

After about 10 minutes, we hit the North Fork. While there, we met Bruce Kulik, and his daughter, Katherine. Seventeen days ago, they lit out from Boston on a cross-country trip to San Francisco! How cool is that?? Their gear setup was pretty impressive, and so was their pace, and they were super sweet. Of course, now I'll be watching their blog obsessively to make sure that they make it to the City OK. I'm sure they will be fine, they seem to be old pros at this sort of thing. Also, it's really adorable that Katherine and her Dad are so tight that they'll spend 70 days cycling together.

I noted that it looked like we had a little weather moving in, and tried to keep a decent pace. The new seat is incredibly helpful, but I still had some residual pain from the other day's injuries, so I wasn't pushing too hard. It started to sprinkle, VG asked how I was doing, and I grumbled that my ass hurt. He suggested turning around, but by then, we were further from the car than we were from the restrooms, and I had to PEE. I said as much, noted that we were only about 3.5 miles from a real toilet, and kept going.

Then Thor noticed that he was wandering about with no pants on, and with an impressive crack of thunder, set about summoning a torrential downpour. We were drenched in mere seconds, and eventually, I had to take my sunglasses off so I could see through all the water dumping down. We made it to the restrooms safely and took shelter in the alcove of the building. I was grateful for the chance to pee, wring out my gloves, and make an effort to dry off a little. For a while, it looked like this:




...so we waited until the rain died down enough that we could at least see decently, and headed back to the car. All told, we ended up riding a bit over 11 miles in the rain, and 3.5 of those were in rain so heavy, visibility could be measured in inches. VG says this officially makes me hardcore.

I'm pretty sure all it made me was cold, wet, and surly.

Wildlife what I saw on the way back:

Deer: 1
Chipmunks: about a dozen
Wabbits: It was STILL wabbit o'clock!
OWL!!!: 1 Pretty sure it was a Barn Owl. It was way too huge to be a Screech.

We briefly considered waiting to see if the sun would show up, and decided that even if it did, it wouldn't be a good idea to continue. The pavement was wet, our handlebar wraps were soaked, and our brakes were pretty well useless, what with everything being wet. And we were cold, which is a BAD idea for me, cold being the major trigger for my RA. So we took stock of our energy levels, determined that if it were still dry, the final 15-ish miles would be no issue, and called it done. We loaded Shuri up, and cranked the heat.

I have never been so grateful for a hot shower, I'll tell ya. Hot hot hot, just to get the chill out of my bones, then just a smidge cooler than boiling so I could enjoy Amy's lovely soap. I'm sure I've mentioned this before, but it bears repeating - I am grateful for Foam on the Range soaps, because they soothe the chafed bits instead of stinging and making me cry from the pain. Sweet relief!

VG promptly scarfed down a cheeseburger after we got warmed up and got our disgusting and soggy gear tended to. Me, I crawled into bed and died for a couple hours with Bailey-cat, who was a perfectly serviceable ass-warmer.

Since it's Father's Day, Alex and I cooked VG a nice steak dinner, complete with wine, grilled zucchini, twice baked potatoes, and a salate caprese. And we've been making cocktails with rum, lavender soda, and rose essence, which cure all manner of ills:

*2 shots rum
*1/4 teaspoon rose essence
*1/3 bottle lavender soda

Pour over ice, stir.

This will probably be delicious with vodka, too.

I am now on the verge of drifting off to sleep the sleep of the just. Or perhaps of the dead. Or the drunk. Or the just dead drunk. Whichever, all I know is I pedaled my ass off today, deserved my rum, and now I want to sleep!

Tell me about your favorite booze!


--Missy, the Fat Bottomed Girl

















Friday, June 15, 2012

In Which I Go Out Twice, And Fail To Meet My Goal






Well, that sucked.

Yesterday, we were set to do 35 miles. Since we had a doctor's appointment in the early afternoon, we got up at 6AM to head for Oak Openings.

I had been out the entire day on Wednesday, and thus did not take my medication on time. Normally, this isn't a big deal, but if I have to be up at OMG O'Clock and I've taken my meds late, I'm a very special kind of Stupid. And sometimes my body rebels. Mistake Number 1!

While I was out Wednesday, I bought a new seat cover for my bike. The gel seat had been damaged and half the gel had oozed out, so I replaced it with a "memory foam" dealie that was supposed to be more comfy and offer better protection from saddle soreness. Mistake Number 2, though that didn't become apparent until it was too late.

Mistake Number 3 was thinking after the first mile of feeling Really Wrong that it would pass and I'd be able to get into my groove. It not only did not pass, it got worse, and it took all my concentration to stay upright and make it to our first checkpoint at the Springbrook area. It took 56:10 to go 8.79 miles, way slower than my average pace has been lately. Now, mind, I'm generally not hung up on pace - if I need to slow down so I can get where I'm going without doing myself in, I'm going to slow down, and timing be damned. But this was different. I was dizzy, had tunnel vision, and was incredibly saddlesore. The hell? I had gotten that completely under control, the new seat was supposed to be even better than the old one?

The tunnel vision was so bad that apparently I had a deer come practically right up to me, and I didn't even notice her. Damn.

Getting off my bike at Springbrook was excruciating, and I wasn't sure I was going to be able to stand up. I did manage to limp off for a pee, which was similarly excruciating. Fuck. I am bruised and battered from lack of cushioning, and THAT is simply NOT a place you want to be bruised and battered. I took my bottle of Amino Vital over to a bench and very gingerly perched upon it to get a drink and try to get my head to stop buzzing. Two swallows in, and I wanted to vomit. That would have been really bad, I really needed to keep that down.

The Vita Guru thought if I took a little time to breathe and finish my drink, I'd probably be OK, but the longer I sat, the sicker I felt, so he hopped back on his bike to ride back and fetch the car. I swear, that was the longest 45 minutes of my life. I struggled to keep my AV down, and remained pretty still on the bench. A very nice lady with a very kissy Jack Russell named Ginger stopped to ask me if I was OK, she said I looked very pale. I assured her that pale is my default state and I just needed to sit for a bit, but she sat with me for a while until she was satisfied that I was not going to keel over. (Thank you, Evelyn, and thank you, Ginger, for checking up on a total stranger. It was very kind of you.)

VG showed up with the car, loaded up my bike and tucked me into the front seat. We agreed that we should go back out later to try again. When I got home, I tended to my injuries as best I could, and CRASHED for nearly 3 hours.

We had an appointment with the eye doctor, then we headed back out. The first order of business was to return the seat cover to Dick's, and replace it with one that actually performed as promised. While we were there, we thought I should pick up some padded cycling shorts to help protect my poor bruised bits. Hey, padded shorts were on sale, cool! I usually ride in a pair of New Balance running tights, they do a pretty good job of preventing chafing, unless I'm stupid and wear all cotton undies. They're an XL, so I started with that.

OK, seriously, are you KIDDING me? XL was NOT in any way an XL. Laughable. XXL? Was probably closer to a size 6 or maybe an 8. VG suggested I try the men's sizes. No. The mens were bigger than the womens, by a good margin, but still not in the realm of XXL. We had to leave, or I was going to start screaming. Apparel manufacturers piss me right the hell off. Yes, it's lovely that the women who are athletic and trim want to look cute in their bike shorts, but fat chicks ride, too! (Have you guys never listened to Queen? Listen to the wisdom of Freddie!)

We went back out, and tried again. The new seat was a HUGE improvement, but it was pretty clear that the existing bruising was going to be a problem. I did a lot of standing up, but it eventually got to the point that I was in tears and had to stop at 15.88 miles. On the bright side, I DID finally get to see another deer - she bounced out onto the trail about 4 miles before I had to stop. She even held still for a minute!

So, my total for the day was 24.67 miles. Disappointing, to be sure, but I do actually like myself well enough to know when to pay more attention to my injuries than my ego. My ego can shut the hell up for a couple days, while I tend to my Very Upset Bits, and that's that.

I am treating myself nicely until Sunday - ice, ibuprofen, and sangria! I stayed off the bike today and will likely do so tomorrow as well to make sure that I've healed up sufficiently.

On Sunday, we're going out to do 50 miles. Sunday will be our last long training ride before the Bike to the Bay next Saturday and Sunday! EEEEEEEE! I am confident that Sunday will be fine, and I am very excited about the ride.

I can totally do this thing!


--Missy, the Fat Bottomed Girl









Tuesday, June 12, 2012

In Which I Fall Off The Bike



YOU GUYS!! 18.17 miles in 1:38!!

Also, I fell off my bike this evening.

No, really. No, don't be all worried or horrified or anything like that. I'm not hurt at all! Not even wounded pride. Essentially, I had to make the choice between potentially hurting myself to stay upright, or just say "Fuck it", and lay the bike down in a ditch. I chose the ditch options.

The thing with the Wabash Cannonball Trail is that there are a TON of roads crossing it. Generally, you can just give a look each way and keep going, but there are a couple busy ones that you have to completely stop for. I'm not sure if it was Berkey Southern or Wilkins, but it was not far from finishing, in any case. Traffic was such that I had to stop. I was slightly inattentive to how close to the edge of the pavement I was, so when I set foot to pedal again, I lost control of the front tire - it turned hard into the dirt and I couldn't yank it back in time or get my foot down in time to stay upright. So I let it go, and down I went.

Scared the hell out of the Vita Guru. I think he forgets sometimes that I used to ride my bike all over Hell's Half Acre for many years before I even knew of his existence, let alone married the worry-wort. He hopped off his bike to peer at me and make sure I hadn't died, and after I made it clear I was fine, he said "You went kersplut. That's not good."

Well, true, usually, but the alternative was worse. Really, the worst part of lying upside down on an incline in the soft, wet grass, was having my 10 ton bike lying atop me. Ah well.

Wildlife seen this evening:

Beavers: 1
Woodchucks: 3
Bluebirds: 2
Cardinals: 8
Wabbits: 9
Chipmunks: OMG!
Chickens: 6
DEER!!: 1 doe, who leapt out into the middle of the trail, scaring the hell out of the kid she landed in front of, and causing me to squeal with delight.
Karner Blue Butterflies: 2 These are Federally protected, and were thought for a while to be extinct. They aren't, YAY! But they are still endangered, boo.

I'm glad the weather was cooperative today. It had rained most of the day, and I was a bit worried. But, no, it all worked out.

I'm riding in the nabe tomorrow and Wednesday. Thursday, VG and I are going out to Oak Openings to ride 36 miles. And Sunday, he says we're doing 50. Well, OK then. I guess it's sink or swim time, and I seem to be swimming just fine!

TWELVE DAYS! EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!

I need to weed the playlist and start moving things around.


--Missy, the Fat Bottomed Girl

Saturday, June 9, 2012

Shady Trails



There was a change of plans yesterday!

I hopped out of bed earlier than usual, bright-eyed and bushy-tailed and ready to get into trouble, so I dragged Younger Monster out of bed and offered him breakfast at Big Boy if he would go shopping with me. He rarely turns down the opportunity for pancakes, so off we went.

While at breakfast, I expressed my desire to ride somewhere other than through the neighborhood. It's fine for the 5 and 10 miles rides, but after that, it's boring as hell. I thought about Greenwood Park, but Elder Monster says those are all dirt trails. Ugh. Younger Monster suggested the neighborhood behind Greenwood Park, but there didn't seem to be any pattern to the streets. I considered bussing over to the University Parks Trail, but he thought that would be a bad idea, because it was already 82 degrees, I'd be far from home, and alone, and if I had trouble, there wouldn't be anyone there to assist right away. (Recall, I have RA, and that sometimes attacks out of nowhere.) Plus, my bike weighs almost as much as the Prius.

I mulled all of my choices over whilst shopping, and after we got home and put the groceries away, I called The Vita Guru.

Hey, you work til 5, right?

"Yah?"

Wanna go over to Oak Openings again tonight and ride? It's too hot to ride in the neighborhood, and it's boring. It will be cooler there.

"OK, have Bubba start getting things together so we can just load up and go!"

So he arrived a bit after 5, we started loading up, and I was running about looking for my jersey.

VG, did you wash my jersey? (He does most of the laundry, I cook. It's an equitable split.)

"No, I didn't. It needs to be washed separately. I have extras, though."

I couldn't fit my tits into one of yours if I held my breath and tried hard.

"*GUFFAW*"

So I wore my orange Oberon shirt. *shrug*

It was glorious at the Preserve, even though it was still 85 degrees at 6:45PM. I cranked up the tunes and took off.

Wildlife spotted:

Baby woodchucks: 2
Adult woodchucks: 5
Wabbits: 8
Suicidal chipmunks: 17 It was seriously Chipmunk O'Clock, and they are fearless.
Horses: 2
Chickens: 3
Dogses: 7

There were also quite a few more people out - runners, roller-bladers, families on bikes, cohorts of Little Old Ladies out for a stroll, and even a wheelchair athlete. The trail is mostly shaded, so it was much cooler than out in the open, and the breeze was so wonderful! We broke at 9 miles for Amino Vital, Gu energy gels (that was...weird. Didn't taste bad, but the consistency was really weird), and some leg stretching, and I realized that I was a bit chafed where the elastic of my undies was. *grrr* It made the 9 miles back a bit uncomfortable, and forced a slight drop in pace, but I seem to have survived it just fine. We had steak and pasta and wine for supper, and I slept like a stone!

Today, I'm taking a day off from riding, and doing some exercise of a different sort - we're heading up to Pentamere Winery to help bottle Peach wine! There are generally more than enough people to handle the line lately, so I usually occupy myself with labeling, or jumping behind the counter to help Nate when the tasting room is full...or I just stay out of the way and drink wine! And today, we're barbecuing after the bottling is done, so I have made my amazing BBQ Beans and a strawberry, blueberry, and banana trifle.

Tomorrow, the Vita Guru and I are going to load up his panniers and head back out to Oak Openings, and try for 35 miles. I'm confident that I'm ready for the jump, and if I handle it without feeling like crap after, the Vita Guru will be satisfied that I'll be able to handle 50 miles a day without dying.

TWO WEEKS, you guys! The ride is in TWO WEEKS! Please, please, please hit the Sponsor link in the sidebar, even if you can only spare a dollar, and please spam my link far and wide. The National MS Society is a great organization, they do a lot of good for people who are dealing with a nasty, mean disorder, and they need all the help they can get!


-- Missy, the Fat Bottomed Girl




Thursday, June 7, 2012

Now, With Wildlife!



Today's ride was exciting!! 18.12 miles in 1:40!!

I know, it looks like a plain old straight line on the map, and it is, but what a straight line! We started at the Springbrook Picnic Area at Oak Openings Metropark, rode a 9 mile stretch of the North Fork of the Wabash Cannonball Trail to just before Fallen Timbers Battlefield, stopped for 10 minutes to chug some Amino Vital, the turned around and rode back.

The morning started with excitement of a different sort, though. I recently bought a bike rack to put on the back of the Prius, because The Vita Guru insisted that there was no way we were getting two bikes into the back of Shuri. So we set it up, strapped the bikes in, added some bungie cords, and off we went.

We got a ways down Alexis, nearly to Regency Hospital, when suddenly there was a KATHUNK, and one of the bikes dropped from view. YIPES! We pulled into the hospital parking lot to see what happened, and discovered that the small support struts on the sides of the rack had popped loose, so the rack collapsed. Both bikes were fine, thankfully, and we learned right there that yes, Shuri can in fact accommodate two bicycles! We're going to reinforce the rack tomorrow so this isn't a problem again.

So, off we went to Oak Openings, and we hit the trail!

Wildlife spotted:

Box turtles hauling ass down the path: 1
Bluebirds: 1
Cardinals: Flocks and herds! Seriously, they were everywhere!
Toads: 1
Horses: 2
Wabbits: 3
Orioles: 3
Scarlet Tanagers: 1
Suicidal Chipmunks: At least a dozen. Instead of getting out of the way, they charge you! But they're cute as hell.
Dogses: 4
Dragonflies nearly swallowed: 1 Ugh, they taste NASTY and BITTER! Gross.

It couldn't have been a more perfect ride! Well, actually, it could have been. My battery died at mile 16, so I did the last 3 miles with no tunes! This will not be an issue for the big ride, though, because I just ordered some extended batteries for my EVO! I will not be caught without my primary means of motivation!

At the end of the ride, we guzzled some concoction The Vita Guru had thrown together and loaded the bikes into the car. The Vita Guru got the bright idea to pop his front wheel off to make it easier, and it was. But he left his wheel in the grass, and didn't realize until we were halfway home. Around we turned, back to fetch the wheel.

It was right where he left it! When he went to fetch it, though, some dude called across the parking lot "Oh, man, I was just about ten minutes from taking that!"

WTF?

What, did he want a cookie? "Hey, thanks for not being a thieving dickface!" Douchetruck.

What kind of wildlife have y'all spotted lately?


--Missy, The Fat Bottomed Girl