Someone Stole Thor's Pants

I stole the title from my friend Amy, proprietor and Chief Saponifier at Foam on the Range. It's an apt description of a thunderstorm, which is what part of today's ride ended up being in.

So, 35.75 miles today. Our goal was 50 miles, but Thor realized his britches were missing at around mile 22-ish, and it all went to Hell from there! And, in spite of the Vita Guru's intermittent fussing that I was going too slow, I'm quite pleased with my 9.5mph pace.

We got a later start than VG had planned, which didn't bother me in the slightest, since I haven't any care for some training "schedule" to adhere to. I'm supposed to plop my fat can in the saddle and go, not worry about what time it is! We parked at the Lakeside development and started on the South Fork of the Wabash Cannonball Trail. The weather was cool and delightful, and except for the cloud of tiny little bugs that endeavored to fly up my nose ALL AT ONCE, it was a great start to the ride. The South Fork is kind of "middle of nowhere" territory, so any bit of wind whistling across the fields reaches you unbroken. I had to pop an earbud out so I could hear VG, elsewise all I heard with my tunes was "WHOOOOOOOOOOSH".

You see some neat things on the South Fork:





Wildlife what I saw on the South Fork:

Wabbits: I lost count after 20. My darlings, it was well and truly wabbit o'clock!
Chipmunks: 2
Cardinals: Flocks and herds! They were really cheerful this morning.
Horsies: 6
Field mice: 3
Butterflies: 16, no Karner Blues, though. They aren't morning people.
Chefs: 1

Wait...

Well, I dunno, Chef Michael DuShane could probably be considered wildlife! He not only does triathalons and marathons, he's also just out of his mind enough to teach the Culinary Arts to high school students, and somehow manages not to kill them. Chef is, as far as I'm concerned, a Rock Star - he's the ONLY instructor Alexander has ever taken seriously, the only instructor whose opinion Alex has ever really valued. That's...pretty damned special, if you ask me, which you didn't, but it's my blog and I can opine if I want to.

It was a delightful surprise to find Chef and his adorable family out near the trail on the first ride back to the car. He, his gorgeous wife Jodi, and their two ANGELIC little Monsters, Raleigh and Zeke, were playing in the sprinklers. Turns out, they're just a few houses off the trail. Chef had already been out running, and had been thinking about a ride as well, but it seemed his Monsters had other plans for him. It was nice to stop and chat with him for a bit, and I got my Mike Hug(TM), which I've been sorely deprived of for months! I tried to convince Zeke to come over for a snuggle, but he was too busy pretending to be shy. Oh well. Eventually he'll be my friend, this I foretell!

We continued on to the car to grab bananas, a bit more Amino Vital, and a stretch/rest break. While there, we met a cute-as-hell Boykin Spaniel named Rudy. His person apologized for Rudy's lack of manners about 4 seconds before Rudy leapt up to lick my face off. PUPPY KISSES, YAY! He was very sweet, and I always appreciate a Puppy Break!

After about 10 minutes, we hit the North Fork. While there, we met Bruce Kulik, and his daughter, Katherine. Seventeen days ago, they lit out from Boston on a cross-country trip to San Francisco! How cool is that?? Their gear setup was pretty impressive, and so was their pace, and they were super sweet. Of course, now I'll be watching their blog obsessively to make sure that they make it to the City OK. I'm sure they will be fine, they seem to be old pros at this sort of thing. Also, it's really adorable that Katherine and her Dad are so tight that they'll spend 70 days cycling together.

I noted that it looked like we had a little weather moving in, and tried to keep a decent pace. The new seat is incredibly helpful, but I still had some residual pain from the other day's injuries, so I wasn't pushing too hard. It started to sprinkle, VG asked how I was doing, and I grumbled that my ass hurt. He suggested turning around, but by then, we were further from the car than we were from the restrooms, and I had to PEE. I said as much, noted that we were only about 3.5 miles from a real toilet, and kept going.

Then Thor noticed that he was wandering about with no pants on, and with an impressive crack of thunder, set about summoning a torrential downpour. We were drenched in mere seconds, and eventually, I had to take my sunglasses off so I could see through all the water dumping down. We made it to the restrooms safely and took shelter in the alcove of the building. I was grateful for the chance to pee, wring out my gloves, and make an effort to dry off a little. For a while, it looked like this:




...so we waited until the rain died down enough that we could at least see decently, and headed back to the car. All told, we ended up riding a bit over 11 miles in the rain, and 3.5 of those were in rain so heavy, visibility could be measured in inches. VG says this officially makes me hardcore.

I'm pretty sure all it made me was cold, wet, and surly.

Wildlife what I saw on the way back:

Deer: 1
Chipmunks: about a dozen
Wabbits: It was STILL wabbit o'clock!
OWL!!!: 1 Pretty sure it was a Barn Owl. It was way too huge to be a Screech.

We briefly considered waiting to see if the sun would show up, and decided that even if it did, it wouldn't be a good idea to continue. The pavement was wet, our handlebar wraps were soaked, and our brakes were pretty well useless, what with everything being wet. And we were cold, which is a BAD idea for me, cold being the major trigger for my RA. So we took stock of our energy levels, determined that if it were still dry, the final 15-ish miles would be no issue, and called it done. We loaded Shuri up, and cranked the heat.

I have never been so grateful for a hot shower, I'll tell ya. Hot hot hot, just to get the chill out of my bones, then just a smidge cooler than boiling so I could enjoy Amy's lovely soap. I'm sure I've mentioned this before, but it bears repeating - I am grateful for Foam on the Range soaps, because they soothe the chafed bits instead of stinging and making me cry from the pain. Sweet relief!

VG promptly scarfed down a cheeseburger after we got warmed up and got our disgusting and soggy gear tended to. Me, I crawled into bed and died for a couple hours with Bailey-cat, who was a perfectly serviceable ass-warmer.

Since it's Father's Day, Alex and I cooked VG a nice steak dinner, complete with wine, grilled zucchini, twice baked potatoes, and a salate caprese. And we've been making cocktails with rum, lavender soda, and rose essence, which cure all manner of ills:

*2 shots rum
*1/4 teaspoon rose essence
*1/3 bottle lavender soda

Pour over ice, stir.

This will probably be delicious with vodka, too.

I am now on the verge of drifting off to sleep the sleep of the just. Or perhaps of the dead. Or the drunk. Or the just dead drunk. Whichever, all I know is I pedaled my ass off today, deserved my rum, and now I want to sleep!

Tell me about your favorite booze!


--Missy, the Fat Bottomed Girl

Nifty Tools Make Training More Interesting

So, The VitaGuru has been using this cool toy on his Android phone called SportyPal Pro to track his running routes. It will track your route via GPS, and based on your time and distance, will calculate how many calories you've burned, and will even calculate your elevation. And if you're brave - or foolish, or both - you can take all this info and Tweet it, Facebook it...and apparently embed it in your blog: How cool is that, I ask you? Isn't living in the future just the awesomest thing? And you can click on the buttons up there and see all kinds of cool stuff. If you click the 3D button, frex, you can get a tour of my route, via Google's Street View. The question mark button will explain what the different line colors mean, and also what the rest of the buttons mean. Nifty, no?

So, you can see the route I rode today, which is a slight departure from my usual route, as the VitaGuru rode with me, and we got to yapping, and I got all distracted by what we were yapping about and forgot to turn down East Benalex on the trip back home. And, we only did one lap around today, because my hands were all cramped up and I couldn't tolerate another lap with Arthritis Claw(TM) making life miserable. Pity, that, because I'm finally starting to get my saddle! In fact, all I had to say about my ass was "My bits are burning!". 'Cause, well, THEY WERE!

What? No, I am NOT going to pretend that I haven't got delicate bits getting all smashed up. I did say I was gonna let it all hang out. Well, figuratively, anyway. The point is, they were burning, I was bitching, and Elder Monster's girlfriend thought it was the funniest thing ever. And in the in-between, well, my sit-bones are a little achy, but that's it. I don't feel like I want to die, so I'm assuming progress is being made!

Anyway, according to this lovely bit of tracking, today's ride was 5 miles, completed in 44 minutes and 13 seconds, at an average speed 6.8mph (I'm still a bit of a slowpoke). And I burned off 346 calories! I typically go twice around the neighborhood, and I typically don't skip East Benalex, so my usual ride around the neighborhood is a solid 10 miles.

Starting next week, I want to see if I can make it three times around the neighborhood. When I can do that consistently without falling off my bike and dying, The VitaGuru says we'll go out to Oak Openings to ride the 18 mile trail. And when I can do that one consistently, we'll probably be starting road work.

Admittedly, I've been taking it a little easier this week, what with having to deal with breathing through a rather tender and sore nose. Until around Thursday, any jump in blood pressure, however slight, made itself known by making my poor, fractured nose throb. As of today, though, the pain has settled to a dull, intermittent ache, and it's not so distracting.

 Elder Monster has promised to be my biking buddy after he gets home from work tomorrow, not that he really needed an arm twisting, since he bought a shiny new bike to show off. It's nice having someone to ride with from time to time, and I'm looking forward to some road time with my Monster! Who's up for a ride around the 'hood tomorrow?

--Missy, the Fat Bottomed Girl

This Is Going to Cause Infrastructure Problems

You guys, I just realized something.

I just did a major "infrastructure replacement" - read here, I just got a whole pile of really adorable undies out of Fashion Bug layaway.  I was down to one bra with intact underwires, so it was time.

With this training plan, The Girls are going to shrink, though.

I don't know if I'm pissed that all these cute undies are going to not fit in relatively short order, or if I'm excited that I'll have a reason to go buy more?

First World Problems, I know.


--Missy, the fat Bottomed Girl

Does This Post Make My Ass Look Fat?

So, 10AM didn't happen today.  My sleep was interrupted, which allowed me to experience the side effects of my medication that I usually sleep through (we'll talk about that in the next post).  But I didn't wuss out!!  I just called the gym and rescheduled with a different trainer, later in the day.

Since Jay has a weight lifting plan for me and he wasn't in when I got there, I didn't lift today.  I'll meet with Jay tomorrow, and we'll get into the lifting.  But Jake - what the hell, with the J names? - did the weigh in and measuring and looked over the MS bike training plan...and then wanted to talk about my weight loss goals.

Arrgh!

What the hell is it with health and fitness professionals who assume that when you want to get fit, your primary goal is weight loss?  This attitude is what kept me from being diagnosed with (and treated for) Major Depressive Disorder.  I'd tell the doc I felt like hell all the time, and I'd get quacked at about losing weight and how I'd feel so much better if I just did that!  Ugh.

But I digress.  That is also something for the next post.

Anyway.  I explained to Jake that my goals had nothing to do with the scale, that I expected that I would lose some weight, but that was not going to be my primary focus.  The Vita Guru talked recently about not training for the scale, and he's right, though not for the reasons he thinks.  It's not just vague goals that cause failure, it's complete lack of motivation when your only goal is a number on the scale.  I could drop a hundred pounds, and still not be able to complete 100 miles on my bike over 2 days.  That said, some numbers are a halfway decent indicator of progress.

So, let's get to it.  I SAID I was gonna let it all hang out.  Here's how I'm looking right now:

Upper arm:   10"
Thigh:  23.5"
Bust:  43"
Waist:  36"
Hips:  48"

Weight:  234

Who is just the most ADORABLE little pork chop?  Ms. Fat Bottom is!  (I forgot to take a picture!  I'll do that tomorrow.)

Actually, I'm not upset with those numbers.  The weight is 11 pounds less than it was the last time I saw my (new) doc, and my curvy measurements are pretty proportionate.  I'm fluffy, and it's a cute looking fluffy!

That said, it's also fluff that I cannot be dragging around on my bike.  The more weight you're dragging, the more you have to work to drag it, so the fluff needs to go and the muscle needs to be built up, and I need to increase my stamina and lung capacity.

I like to start workouts with a bellydance warmup.  It's a good way to stretch everything and get moving and motivated, and it keeps me on top of the moves I worked so hard to learn over several years.  KayLouise developed a great warmup choreography to the first selection, designed to be done once for a short warmup, or twice for something more substantial.  I always opt for twice!  My warmup music today:

Omar Faruk Tekbilek - "Shashkin" (Hefner Remix) (YouTube)
Naked Rhythm - Deep Lotus (4Shared Streaming)

...and then?  SEVENTY-FIVE MINUTES on the bike.  Which doesn't sound like a lot if you've got stamina, but I don't have much of that yet.  Thankfully, I'm piecing together some good riding music!

And now?  My ass hurts, boys and girls.  Not as much as if I'd been out on the road, but I'm still a smidge tender, and ibuprofen and I are getting on really well today.

--Missy, the Fat Bottomed Girl