Yup, I'm Back On The Bike

After Bike to the Bay, I got it into my head that I wanted to do another event. In spite of being a bit wrecked afterwards, I had a lot of fun, and I really need the exercise anyway! Fortunately, an opportunity presented itself right away - all the cars at the Rec Center had been spammed by the Toledo Area Bicyclists club with a flyer for the Mad Anthony River Rally.

We've chosen the 62 mile route from Perrysburg to Grand Rapids, which will feature a Flying Pancake breakfast at 18 miles, and lunch in historic Grand Rapids! It sounds like a great time to me!

And! VG and I have new "uniforms":

Aren't they great? Super comfy, too! We got a few grins when we wore them out on the Wabash Cannonball Trail on Thursday!

It's been super hot here in Toledo of late, so we didn't get to see much in the way of wildlife, except for the HERD of chickens that we always pass. Yes, a herd. There are just too many of them to call a flock. I really want backyard chicken, but VG tells me they won't fit in my backpack. Har, har. Seriously, though, I want chickens. Fresh eggs for breakfast is my idea of pure heaven, and when the old broads retire, I can turn them into Coq au Vin! Doesn't that sound so good?

No riding today. Instead, I'm off to Toledo's Polish Festival with Younger Monster and Sam, my adorable French exchange student. We're going to stuff Sam full of pierogies and I'm going to drink beer until I bust. We have glorious weather today, and I'm very excited to show our Extra Kid one of the best things about Summer in Toledo - Street Festivals!

-- Missy, the Fat Bottomed Girl

Someone Stole Thor's Pants

I stole the title from my friend Amy, proprietor and Chief Saponifier at Foam on the Range. It's an apt description of a thunderstorm, which is what part of today's ride ended up being in.

So, 35.75 miles today. Our goal was 50 miles, but Thor realized his britches were missing at around mile 22-ish, and it all went to Hell from there! And, in spite of the Vita Guru's intermittent fussing that I was going too slow, I'm quite pleased with my 9.5mph pace.

We got a later start than VG had planned, which didn't bother me in the slightest, since I haven't any care for some training "schedule" to adhere to. I'm supposed to plop my fat can in the saddle and go, not worry about what time it is! We parked at the Lakeside development and started on the South Fork of the Wabash Cannonball Trail. The weather was cool and delightful, and except for the cloud of tiny little bugs that endeavored to fly up my nose ALL AT ONCE, it was a great start to the ride. The South Fork is kind of "middle of nowhere" territory, so any bit of wind whistling across the fields reaches you unbroken. I had to pop an earbud out so I could hear VG, elsewise all I heard with my tunes was "WHOOOOOOOOOOSH".

You see some neat things on the South Fork:





Wildlife what I saw on the South Fork:

Wabbits: I lost count after 20. My darlings, it was well and truly wabbit o'clock!
Chipmunks: 2
Cardinals: Flocks and herds! They were really cheerful this morning.
Horsies: 6
Field mice: 3
Butterflies: 16, no Karner Blues, though. They aren't morning people.
Chefs: 1

Wait...

Well, I dunno, Chef Michael DuShane could probably be considered wildlife! He not only does triathalons and marathons, he's also just out of his mind enough to teach the Culinary Arts to high school students, and somehow manages not to kill them. Chef is, as far as I'm concerned, a Rock Star - he's the ONLY instructor Alexander has ever taken seriously, the only instructor whose opinion Alex has ever really valued. That's...pretty damned special, if you ask me, which you didn't, but it's my blog and I can opine if I want to.

It was a delightful surprise to find Chef and his adorable family out near the trail on the first ride back to the car. He, his gorgeous wife Jodi, and their two ANGELIC little Monsters, Raleigh and Zeke, were playing in the sprinklers. Turns out, they're just a few houses off the trail. Chef had already been out running, and had been thinking about a ride as well, but it seemed his Monsters had other plans for him. It was nice to stop and chat with him for a bit, and I got my Mike Hug(TM), which I've been sorely deprived of for months! I tried to convince Zeke to come over for a snuggle, but he was too busy pretending to be shy. Oh well. Eventually he'll be my friend, this I foretell!

We continued on to the car to grab bananas, a bit more Amino Vital, and a stretch/rest break. While there, we met a cute-as-hell Boykin Spaniel named Rudy. His person apologized for Rudy's lack of manners about 4 seconds before Rudy leapt up to lick my face off. PUPPY KISSES, YAY! He was very sweet, and I always appreciate a Puppy Break!

After about 10 minutes, we hit the North Fork. While there, we met Bruce Kulik, and his daughter, Katherine. Seventeen days ago, they lit out from Boston on a cross-country trip to San Francisco! How cool is that?? Their gear setup was pretty impressive, and so was their pace, and they were super sweet. Of course, now I'll be watching their blog obsessively to make sure that they make it to the City OK. I'm sure they will be fine, they seem to be old pros at this sort of thing. Also, it's really adorable that Katherine and her Dad are so tight that they'll spend 70 days cycling together.

I noted that it looked like we had a little weather moving in, and tried to keep a decent pace. The new seat is incredibly helpful, but I still had some residual pain from the other day's injuries, so I wasn't pushing too hard. It started to sprinkle, VG asked how I was doing, and I grumbled that my ass hurt. He suggested turning around, but by then, we were further from the car than we were from the restrooms, and I had to PEE. I said as much, noted that we were only about 3.5 miles from a real toilet, and kept going.

Then Thor noticed that he was wandering about with no pants on, and with an impressive crack of thunder, set about summoning a torrential downpour. We were drenched in mere seconds, and eventually, I had to take my sunglasses off so I could see through all the water dumping down. We made it to the restrooms safely and took shelter in the alcove of the building. I was grateful for the chance to pee, wring out my gloves, and make an effort to dry off a little. For a while, it looked like this:




...so we waited until the rain died down enough that we could at least see decently, and headed back to the car. All told, we ended up riding a bit over 11 miles in the rain, and 3.5 of those were in rain so heavy, visibility could be measured in inches. VG says this officially makes me hardcore.

I'm pretty sure all it made me was cold, wet, and surly.

Wildlife what I saw on the way back:

Deer: 1
Chipmunks: about a dozen
Wabbits: It was STILL wabbit o'clock!
OWL!!!: 1 Pretty sure it was a Barn Owl. It was way too huge to be a Screech.

We briefly considered waiting to see if the sun would show up, and decided that even if it did, it wouldn't be a good idea to continue. The pavement was wet, our handlebar wraps were soaked, and our brakes were pretty well useless, what with everything being wet. And we were cold, which is a BAD idea for me, cold being the major trigger for my RA. So we took stock of our energy levels, determined that if it were still dry, the final 15-ish miles would be no issue, and called it done. We loaded Shuri up, and cranked the heat.

I have never been so grateful for a hot shower, I'll tell ya. Hot hot hot, just to get the chill out of my bones, then just a smidge cooler than boiling so I could enjoy Amy's lovely soap. I'm sure I've mentioned this before, but it bears repeating - I am grateful for Foam on the Range soaps, because they soothe the chafed bits instead of stinging and making me cry from the pain. Sweet relief!

VG promptly scarfed down a cheeseburger after we got warmed up and got our disgusting and soggy gear tended to. Me, I crawled into bed and died for a couple hours with Bailey-cat, who was a perfectly serviceable ass-warmer.

Since it's Father's Day, Alex and I cooked VG a nice steak dinner, complete with wine, grilled zucchini, twice baked potatoes, and a salate caprese. And we've been making cocktails with rum, lavender soda, and rose essence, which cure all manner of ills:

*2 shots rum
*1/4 teaspoon rose essence
*1/3 bottle lavender soda

Pour over ice, stir.

This will probably be delicious with vodka, too.

I am now on the verge of drifting off to sleep the sleep of the just. Or perhaps of the dead. Or the drunk. Or the just dead drunk. Whichever, all I know is I pedaled my ass off today, deserved my rum, and now I want to sleep!

Tell me about your favorite booze!


--Missy, the Fat Bottomed Girl

Now, With Wildlife!

Today's ride was exciting!! 18.12 miles in 1:40!!

I know, it looks like a plain old straight line on the map, and it is, but what a straight line! We started at the Springbrook Picnic Area at Oak Openings Metropark, rode a 9 mile stretch of the North Fork of the Wabash Cannonball Trail to just before Fallen Timbers Battlefield, stopped for 10 minutes to chug some Amino Vital, the turned around and rode back.

The morning started with excitement of a different sort, though. I recently bought a bike rack to put on the back of the Prius, because The Vita Guru insisted that there was no way we were getting two bikes into the back of Shuri. So we set it up, strapped the bikes in, added some bungie cords, and off we went.

We got a ways down Alexis, nearly to Regency Hospital, when suddenly there was a KATHUNK, and one of the bikes dropped from view. YIPES! We pulled into the hospital parking lot to see what happened, and discovered that the small support struts on the sides of the rack had popped loose, so the rack collapsed. Both bikes were fine, thankfully, and we learned right there that yes, Shuri can in fact accommodate two bicycles! We're going to reinforce the rack tomorrow so this isn't a problem again.

So, off we went to Oak Openings, and we hit the trail!

Wildlife spotted:

Box turtles hauling ass down the path: 1
Bluebirds: 1
Cardinals: Flocks and herds! Seriously, they were everywhere!
Toads: 1
Horses: 2
Wabbits: 3
Orioles: 3
Scarlet Tanagers: 1
Suicidal Chipmunks: At least a dozen. Instead of getting out of the way, they charge you! But they're cute as hell.
Dogses: 4
Dragonflies nearly swallowed: 1 Ugh, they taste NASTY and BITTER! Gross.

It couldn't have been a more perfect ride! Well, actually, it could have been. My battery died at mile 16, so I did the last 3 miles with no tunes! This will not be an issue for the big ride, though, because I just ordered some extended batteries for my EVO! I will not be caught without my primary means of motivation!

At the end of the ride, we guzzled some concoction The Vita Guru had thrown together and loaded the bikes into the car. The Vita Guru got the bright idea to pop his front wheel off to make it easier, and it was. But he left his wheel in the grass, and didn't realize until we were halfway home. Around we turned, back to fetch the wheel.

It was right where he left it! When he went to fetch it, though, some dude called across the parking lot "Oh, man, I was just about ten minutes from taking that!"

WTF?

What, did he want a cookie? "Hey, thanks for not being a thieving dickface!" Douchetruck.

What kind of wildlife have y'all spotted lately?


--Missy, The Fat Bottomed Girl

Here I Go A Cycling

So, off I went with the Vita Guru for a spin around the neighborhood. Only once around today, I'm finding I'm having some difficulties with my hands, wrists, and elbows today.

I'm fairly certain that a good part of that is the repetitive strain injury in my right arm from work. Current work projects have no keyboard shortcuts, so it's clicky-clicky-clicky all day, and that is certainly causing problems. But part of it, too, is that I think my handlebars may be sitting too low. Bubbazander is home tomorrow all day, so I'm going to have him adjust them for me so there isn't so much pressure any more.

I'm also a little concerned about the brakes and gears. Bubba keeps working on the brakes, and they keep slipping anyway. And the gears just don't shift. So. I dunno, I'm sure that when I take the bike in for the pre-ride inspection and tune-up, the fella at The Bike Route will get it all sorted out. Still, it's a little worrisome.

I can't believe the ride is in just FIVE WEEKS! OMG! It's getting close! And to underscore that, my "rider packet" arrived from the Vitamin Shoppe today. They sent me a gorgeous white and gold jersey, a fancy pants shaker cup, and a whey protein packet that is probably going to taste terrible, but I'm going to try it anyway. I'll take pics of the jersey later, suffice to say, it's a pretty cool uniform.

Five weeks. Of course, I'm still looking for sponsors, so if you've got a couple bucks to throw at a terrific organization, hit the sponsor link in the right sidebar. Every little bit helps, and the people who are helped by the MS Society would be so very appreciative!

I could eat a moose, but I think I'm going to content myself with some angel hair and shrimp tonight. What's for dinner at your house tonight?

--Missy, The Fat Bottomed Girl

Found A New Tool!

It turns out the Google Maps has a nifty map creation feature that looked like it would let me plot out yesterday's ride and figure out just how far I went.  It also turns out that the damned thing is so fiddly, I determined I had neither patience nor alcohol enough to mess with it - after an HOUR!  AN HOUR!.  So I went looking for a new tool that wouldn't make me wish I was an alcoholic.


Found one!  It's called Map My Ride, and it will both track while you're riding (though not as nicely as with SportyPal) and let you map a route out by hand.  Took a whole five minutes and zero alcohol.

Wait...I think I got robbed there...

Anyway, here's yesterday's ride:

...and if you're super nosy, you can see a full sized map here.  I'd apologize for the sloppiness of the drawing, but I think I did pretty decently for a crotchety, foul-tempered arthritic, so I'm going to skip that. ;)

SO!  8.8 miles!  Not bad, if I do say so myself.  And I do!  And I don't feel like I want to die, and I feel like if I lie down for an hour this afternoon and go out once the temperature is more reasonable than the current 88 degrees, I might even manage three full laps around the neighborhood.  I'm dragging The Vita Guru out with me, since he's been off all day, and we'll see where this training ride takes me!

If I make it home in one piece, I shall celebrate with a hot shower, raspberry walnut glazed pork, sweet potato chips, and half a bottle of Pentamere's new release, May Wine!

Dear Ma Nature,

Please drop the temperature about 15 degrees, so I can ride without dying, and sooner rather than later.  I really want that May Wine!

--Missy, the Fat Bottomed Girl

Return of The Fat Bottomed Girl

I know, I know, I've been really quiet.  A lot has been going on lately, and some things required that I just be gentle with myself for a while.  I've been riding since last I wrote, and walking a lot, too.  But I did take a full week off.

On Saturday, April 21st, my much beloved Pit Bull-Labrador mix, Whiskey Jack, was taken suddenly from me by a previously undiagnosed liver tumor at the age of ten.  We had adopted Jack from the Toledo Area Humane Society in 2005, and we loved him with everything that we had.  He was a wonderful companion, a loyal friend, and my heart is shattered for the loss of him.  I still wait every morning for him to come to me to share some toast, and every afternoon for him to remind me in his inimitable way that it's time for a nap...and every day, my heart breaks all over again.

It's really hard to give a damn about riding your bike when you're grieving for the loss of a dear friend.  Can't see much when you're crying, either.  So, I didn't ride last week.  Did some walking with Rocky - whose presence has been a balm to my broken heart - and did some walking on my own, but I admit I neglected my bike, and I am unapologetic about that.  Sometimes, you just need to be nice to yourself, and damn the workout.

Today, I hopped back on, and Bubbazander and I did the neighborhood route for 1 3/4 laps, which The Vita Guru estimates is about 8.5 or 9 miles.  We only came home when we did because it was getting too dark to see - our neighborhood has no streetlights!  Ridiculous if you want to go out and ride around in the evening!

It was a very good ride, with very few issues!  Bubbazander and I had great conversation throughout, and he was very motivational.  He noted that I'm having fewer difficulties with talking while riding, which means that my lung capacity and stamina are increasing, YAY!

My ass?  Still sore.  But it's no longer that burning, stinging, so awful I can't bear to move sore.  Rather, it's a sort of vague ache, which is much more tolerable than wanting to fill the bathtub up with ice and park myself in it!

The only major setback, aside from dusk falling, is that I was inattentive at the start of the ride and did not make sure that SportyPal had started.  So my ride did not get tracked.  ARRRGH!  I have no idea how long it took, or how my pacing was, and I can only guess at the actual distance.  I wonder if I can map it out by hand?  I guess I'll be fiddling with the site a bit after supper, won't I?

Anyway, I'm back.  I'm a little broken and sad still, but I'm carrying on and getting better and I'm determined to be ready for this thing.  I've got two months left, and I need to make them count, right?

I think Jack would be pleased with my progress.

--Missy, the Fat Bottomed Girl

Nifty Tools Make Training More Interesting

So, The VitaGuru has been using this cool toy on his Android phone called SportyPal Pro to track his running routes. It will track your route via GPS, and based on your time and distance, will calculate how many calories you've burned, and will even calculate your elevation. And if you're brave - or foolish, or both - you can take all this info and Tweet it, Facebook it...and apparently embed it in your blog: How cool is that, I ask you? Isn't living in the future just the awesomest thing? And you can click on the buttons up there and see all kinds of cool stuff. If you click the 3D button, frex, you can get a tour of my route, via Google's Street View. The question mark button will explain what the different line colors mean, and also what the rest of the buttons mean. Nifty, no?

So, you can see the route I rode today, which is a slight departure from my usual route, as the VitaGuru rode with me, and we got to yapping, and I got all distracted by what we were yapping about and forgot to turn down East Benalex on the trip back home. And, we only did one lap around today, because my hands were all cramped up and I couldn't tolerate another lap with Arthritis Claw(TM) making life miserable. Pity, that, because I'm finally starting to get my saddle! In fact, all I had to say about my ass was "My bits are burning!". 'Cause, well, THEY WERE!

What? No, I am NOT going to pretend that I haven't got delicate bits getting all smashed up. I did say I was gonna let it all hang out. Well, figuratively, anyway. The point is, they were burning, I was bitching, and Elder Monster's girlfriend thought it was the funniest thing ever. And in the in-between, well, my sit-bones are a little achy, but that's it. I don't feel like I want to die, so I'm assuming progress is being made!

Anyway, according to this lovely bit of tracking, today's ride was 5 miles, completed in 44 minutes and 13 seconds, at an average speed 6.8mph (I'm still a bit of a slowpoke). And I burned off 346 calories! I typically go twice around the neighborhood, and I typically don't skip East Benalex, so my usual ride around the neighborhood is a solid 10 miles.

Starting next week, I want to see if I can make it three times around the neighborhood. When I can do that consistently without falling off my bike and dying, The VitaGuru says we'll go out to Oak Openings to ride the 18 mile trail. And when I can do that one consistently, we'll probably be starting road work.

Admittedly, I've been taking it a little easier this week, what with having to deal with breathing through a rather tender and sore nose. Until around Thursday, any jump in blood pressure, however slight, made itself known by making my poor, fractured nose throb. As of today, though, the pain has settled to a dull, intermittent ache, and it's not so distracting.

 Elder Monster has promised to be my biking buddy after he gets home from work tomorrow, not that he really needed an arm twisting, since he bought a shiny new bike to show off. It's nice having someone to ride with from time to time, and I'm looking forward to some road time with my Monster! Who's up for a ride around the 'hood tomorrow?

--Missy, the Fat Bottomed Girl

It's The Blogging That's Killing Me

My darling readers!

I hope this finds you all happy and well, and relaxed after some Easter time?  Mind, I don't celebrate Easter - what with being a Heathen and all, Ôstara was back at the Equinox - but I do appreciate that my Christian friends have managed things such that my family gets a weekend together, away from work.  Thanks, y'all!

My family and I - and Elder Monster's adorable girlfriend, who at this point has been family for years! - spent Easter weekend in Chicago.  So, for three days, I did not ride my bike!  I did, however, walk and walk and walk and walk, so I don't feel too bad about this turn of events.  My legs need just as much stamina as my ass, after all, since they all need to work in concert to keep me upright and pedaling!  Anyway, it was good to have some family time, to spend some time soaking up culture and history and good food and some pretty nice weather.

I snagged an injury on Sunday evening - upon my return home, my puppy promptly broke my nose whilst greeting me.  He didn't smash it to bits, thankfully, "just" cracked it, but it puffed up and it hurts, and it probably will for a couple more weeks.

I have ridden every day but Monday and Thursday this week - Monday being a recovery day from travel and some much needed quiet time after getting hit in the face by Dogzilla, and Thursday because I just felt like taking the day off.

So, it's not the riding that's taking a toll.  It's figuring out how to WRITE about it!  Seriously, it's not terribly interesting for folks to hear "I rode my bike today, whoo!"  Is it?  Beats the hell out of me.  I suppose I need to ride in places other than just in my neighborhood, and I probably need to start taking some pictures of interesting things.  I certainly don't want to bore y'all!

Maybe I'll have some interesting things to say after going to the gym to lift tomorrow?

OK, it might all be swear words, but those can be interesting, right?


--Missy, the Fat Bottomed Girl

In Which Our Heroine Learns About Wind

It was a GORGEOUS day in Toledo today, my darlings!  Beautiful, sunny, warm, breezy.

OK, not so much with the breezy.  IT WAS WINDY AS HELL!

The Vita Guru took off for work this morning, I grew weary of swearing at my own pile of work, so I hopped into the saddle and went twice around the neighborhood.  And it took For. Ever.  I am not even kidding.  It was really difficult to stay upright, I felt like I was going to be flung halfway across the state - if not to Oz itself! - at any moment!  But it was a great ride, even if it was really difficult and my legs burn and MY BUTT HURTS!

(I did a bunch of hip lifts after the ride to soothe the aching tuckus, and it seems to have helped quite a bit, but the "sit bones" are still burning and complaining at me.  It's hard to convince the junk in your trunk to stay situated such that it doesn't hurt so much!)

My playlist is steadily coming along, as I add songs, remove songs, and rutsch the whole thing around.  A couple weeks ago, my bestie introduced me to this song:

Isn't Florence just amazing?  Not only is she beautiful and supernaturally graceful, she's got her some PIPES!  There's something about this song that gets my heart beating and my legs pumping, and though it's probably going to catch some bugs, I can't help but sing along as I pedal down the road.  I've seen Florence live, and have a bunch of her stuff in the Ride playlist, but this one in particular has really been speaking to me lately.

Perhaps unsurprisingly, The Beastie Boys have also been in heavy rotation.  What?  I'm a child of the 80s, and I reserve the right to rock out to the soundtrack of my mis-spent youth as it pleases me!  (Also, MCA is looking mighty fine these days.  Not as fine as Lenny Kravitz, mind, but does ANYONE look as fine as Lenny Kravitz, I ask you?)

In spite of the pain of getting this bounteous booty into shape, I find that the music helps me power through it.  It helps me focus, helps my pedaling switch to auto-pilot so I can concentrate on important things, like not getting blown out of the saddle!

Even better, when I got home, I found my order from Foam On The Range waiting for me, so I had my pick of lovely things for my post ride shower.  Mmmm, Juniper and Sage SunSoap!

We had a very healthy supper tonight - chicken stir fry with broccoli, carrots, peppers, a slivered up Meyer lemon, and black rice.  I felt positively ravenous, but I was very modest in my portion, as the Vita Guru and I need to go for a blood draw tomorrow, and need to fast for 12 hours.  I don't want anything messing with my results, because I hate having follow-up visits with the vampires.

So, I'm well exercised, well-washed, and well fed, and I'm so very tired.  Tomorrow, a longer ride, and hopefully my butt will stop complaining so much.  And with luck, I'll get better about writing about my adventures!

Tomorrow, I'm going to be bad.  The Vita Guru and I are heading up to Evans Street Station to meet up with friends for the Oberon release party.  I promise I'll ride first!!  Oberon is what tells me that Spring is really here.

What's your favorite Springtime vice?


--Missy, the Fat Bottomed Girl

Worst. Training. Ride. Ever.

So you know how all the trainers say that you should at least train lightly when you're not feeling well?  I think they might be full of it.

The past four days, I limited my training time to A Lot Of Walking.  It being the one week out of twelve that I get to spend cramped up and miserable - thanks to the miracle of Seasonique, and screw you, Rick Santorum - I figure that A Lot Of Walking is plenty of exertion when one is in pain.

I felt much better this morning, so I figured I'd get back on the bike this afternoon.  But I haven't felt right since lunch time!  I attributed it to maybe having too substantial a lunch - a couple of homemade chicken soft tacos - and figured I'd just wait until The Vita Guru got home from work, and drag him out with me.

Well...I tried.  Even though I was still feeling a bit off, I still hopped on the bike, and off I went!  And made it...down to the first roundabout on Rolland before I started feeling like the Earth was spinning around my head.

"This isn't working.", I called over my shoulder.  The Vita Guru told me to head back for home, then.  I did, and made it without falling off my bike, but I still feel dizzy and gross.  It's not even hot outside!

The Vita Guru says it still counts as training.  But far from feeling better, I actually feel worse. 

Tomorrow is another day, I guess.


--Missy, the Fat Bottomed Girl

I Don't Want To Be THAT Blogger

It occurs to me that I've talked rather matter-of-factly about supplements and such - not in great detail yet, but at some point I intend to.  And it occurs to me that such might not go over well with my readers.  So let me make something shriekingly and abundantly clear:

I am not a supplementoholic, and I am not a supplement evangelist.  This is not to say that I won't occasionally talk about things that I've had success with, but I am NOT going to claim that anyone is wrong or dumb or unhealthy or whatever if they are training for an event and choose not to supplement.

The Vita Guru and I go around about this all the time.  He gleefully makes himself a human guinea pig, tries every damned thing a vendor will hand to him, and gets frustrated with me because I flat out ignore the vast majority of his suggestions.  Yes, he's the expert on supplements, but I'm the expert on my body and my sensibilities, and I like to keep things pretty simple.  Drives him mad, it does.

That said, a number of things work really well for me.  Much as I dislike the taste of AminoVital, I certainly felt better after drinking it yesterday.  And there was some glutamine in there, too, which had the effect of telling my angry muscles to shut up and chill out.  I awoke in much less pain today than I would have if I had skipped that.

Performance enhancers and such?  Nope.  Not doing it.  And if you're training for a distance event of any sort and you don't want to do it either?  It's all good, bb.  The key to staying motivated and on track is to do what works for you!

So, if I yabble about some supplement that I have tried, please don't take it as an exhortation to go get it for yourself.  My purpose with my yabbling is to document what I'm doing and how I'm progressing.  I'm just dragging y'all along for the ride!

Speaking of ride, I went outside again today and toured the neighborhood.  A little bit longer today than yesterday, at about the same clip.  And it felt so good!

There's a lady in our neighborhood...I'm afraid we have a really mean nickname for her.  We call her Granny Cheeseburger, because she's so thin and emaciated that she really could stand to eat a cheeseburger or two.  I suppose we could give her a different nickname, but it turns out that she's an ill-tempered old woman with an entitlement complex, so Granny Cheeseburger it is.

Granny Cheeseburger gets out and rides her bike three or four times a day.  If you are out on your bike and pass her by in the opposite direction, rather than nod and smile as the rest of the neighborhood cyclists do, she glares and sneers.  If you ride up alongside of her and say hello or ask how she's doing, she glares and sneers and HAAARRRRUMPHS because you dare to speak to her.

And so it was today when I took my afternoon ride.  She was riding by just as I was turning out of my driveway.  Oh, hey, sez I.  Isn't it great that the weather has broken?

HAAARRRRUMPH

Have a nice ride!!


HAAARRRRUMPH

What a crab!  I wonder if she wakes up that foul tempered?


The rest of the two-wheeled crowd was out today, and in far better spirits!  I rode along with some neighbors I haven't seen all winter, and they were very encouraging of my goal.

Fine weather is probably the cure for many ills.  I certainly feel fine and cheerful today.  How about y'all?


--Missy, the Fat Bottomed Girl

In Which I Skip The Gym...

...in favor of sunshine and fresh air!!

(Bet you thought I was going to be all slackass, huh?)

It's a bit after 7PM here in Toledo, and the sun is only just now beginning to wander down to the horizon.  It's still 70 degrees, a GORGEOUS day - I want to call it Spring, but officially, it's still Late Winter.  For another couple days, anyway.  I'll incline my head to the calendar and the axial tilt and call it Late Winter...but it surely feels like Spring to me!

The air smelled so fresh and clean when I started gathering up my stuff for the gym...a change of clothes, the toiletry box, the pink hip scarf with silver coins and iridescent pink butterflies, the black spandex tights, the purple Camelback that The Vita Guru had considerately filled with AminoVital and who knows what else, the shaker cup with the post workout supplements he thought I should take...

I looked at my bag.  I looked outside.  I watched the dogs romping about.

Hey, Bubbazander?  (That's my Elder Monster, 20 years old, handsome, mouthy, and an avid cyclist.)

"Yeah Moo?"

Would you please get my bike down for me?

"Riding to the gym?"

It's a little late to go to the gym --

...and Younger Monster yells "MOTHER!" (Younger Monster is 16, an aspiring engineer, pendantic as hell, and a rules lawyer.  He knows what the training plan is, and will have a cow if I deviate.)

WHAT?!  I'M GONNA GO RIDE MY REAL BIKE!!

That was acceptable to Younger Monster.  When I had my playlist set and ready, I emerged from the house to find that Bubbazander had checked my tire pressure and brakes, and had adjusted both.

My bike is old, old, old.  It's an ancient Arrow, weighs about a ton, and is still in pretty great shape.  See?  (Jack likes to investigate bikes.  I think he thinks he can catch those better than cars.)  I like the red well enough, but I think I'm going to paint it sometime before June, a shiny bright purple, as is right and proper!

I even have safety equipment!  Dr. Warder thinks it's important to keep my brains all in one spot, so he got me the pretty Arella helmet that's been on my Wish List for a while.  It's shiny and pretty comfy, even if I do look like I have half an Easter Egg on my head!

I rode around the neighborhood, and I learned something - our neighborhood streets SUCK!  It's not so much that we have streets as we have long chains of potholes, broken up by the occasional patch of pavement.  YIPES!  I need to get used to it, though, because The Ride will be over lots of roads, and I'm sure most of them suck just as much.  This is Northwestern Ohio, after all.  The freeze and thaw cycle is hell on pavement!

Anyway, I rode a wibbly-wobbly path, making sure to go down every street, up around the school, and back through the route again.  The Vita Guru and I have done this route, and it's about 6 miles.  I did it at a pretty good clip, too, no pauses and no coasting.  I really, really wanted to coast after hauling ass up that incline on Celesta, though.  Yeesh. 

I suppose that on the days I ride outside, I should start using the tracker that The Vita Guru uses, to help me stay on top of where I go, where I should go, and how far I've gone.  Next time!

I also learned that I need to get a bottle clip for the bike.  I didn't have my Camelback with me - nowhere to put it! - and wow, was I a bit of a mess when I rolled up the driveway.  I belted back that quart of AminoVital like I hadn't had anything to drink in ever!  (On the upside, sucking it down so fast meant I couldn't taste it.  The stuff is great, but I don't care for the taste.)

So, the upshot of all this blithering is that I GOT TO GO OUTSIDE TODAY!  And it was sunny and breezy and beautiful and even though my ass is still mighty uncomfortable, I feel exhilarated and cheerful and really, really good!

Of course, skipping the gym meant no lifting.  Do you think I can count pedaling my tank of a bike, with my fluffy self atop it, as leg presses?


--Missy, the Fat Bottomed Girl

Dancin' Queen

I've been fiddling with the time I take my medications, so I can get out of bed earlier without feeling like my head is stuffed with fluff for a few hours, and it seems to be successful, so today's gym session was this morning instead of later in the day.

I walked the mile to the gym in a light, yet warm drizzle, and didn't mind the dampness a bit.  Especially not once I got the workout in motion!

Many women complain about not being able to get a decent workout because they get too much unwanted male attention at the gym.  This doesn't seem to be an issue with the fellas at my gym.  They don't pay much mind to the women wandering about, they're too intent on getting all their reps in.  And they CERTAINLY don't pay the fat chick any mind, she's not especially interesting...unless it's the fat chick who jingles as she wanders by.  I am often approached by men in the gym who want to know what all the jingling is about, and can I tell them where their wives or girlfriends can learn to bellydance?

Part of the fun of bellydance is having pretty shiny things to drape over yourself, and light, airy veils to decorate your arm work.  Now, I don't use veils much at the gym, mostly because it seems a little too "Hey, look at me!", even though veils are great for general dance workout purposes.  It's easier and more fun to stay motivated to get your arm carriage right when you're flinging around a couple yards of silk or organza.  But I will not forgo a hip scarf.  The shiny jingly things are not only pretty, they make noise and help you keep both rhythm and technique where you want them.  Essentially, the jingling sounds wrong if you're not executing the moves correctly.

I jingle on by, take a place in front of the big mirrors, and commence to dancing.  Today I added an extra song so I could work on abdominal isolations - mostly undulations, but also belly pops and rolls.  Core strength is essential when you're intending to ride a long distance!

(To put the distance in perspective, if I were doing it all in a straight route, I'd finish about 20 miles shy of Cleveland!)

Anyway, I did the basic warmup, then started the abdominals...and noticed I had acquired an audience.  A pair of very muscular guys, both about 6 feet tall, watching intently.  Well, OK.  I closed my eyes and kept going.  I had this luscious tune to dance to, after all:

Massive Attack - Inertia Creeps (State of Bengal Mix) (YouTube) 

"So...uh...bellydance, huh?"  He sounded a little shy, and wouldn't make eye contact.  His friend elbowed him.  "You could introduce yourself, dumbass."  I couldn't help it, I burst into giggles.  "Hey, guys, it's OK.  I know it's not usual to see someone dancing at the gym."

The first guy introduces himself.  He's James.  His friend is Chris.  They heard me jingle on by, and got curious.  Then they got surprised.  Chris was pretty gregarious.  "Baby, that was HOT!  Where did you learn to do that?  What music were you listening to?"  I showed him my playlist and let him hear a little of the last song.  He elbows James again, who is trying to be surreptitious about checking out my left hand.

Oh.  I see.

"Ah, sweetie, thanks, it's flattering, but I'm unavailable."  He jumped a bit, startled that he wasn't as sly as he thought he was.  "I don't see a ring!", he grinned.  But he didn't argue or fuss, he proferred his hand and said it was nice to meet me, and asked if it was OK to talk to me about dance if he saw me at the gym again, he wondered if men could do it, too.  Adorbs!

From thence, the boring part of the workout.  Seventy-five minutes on the bike, at a pretty steady, if somewhat moderate pace.  Then chest pulls, 30 reps at 50 pounds, and butterflies, 30 reps at 50 pounds.  A hot, hot shower.  Twenty minutes in the sauna.

A brisk walk the mile back home, and I was done.  Pleasantly tired, but not completely wiped out.  And amused by the fellas who tried chatting me up.

My ass, however, is still tender.  I will be so grateful when the nerve endings over my sit-bones stop firing pain messages at me!  Alas, it will be some weeks before I'm able to come home from a workout without yelling "MY BUTT HURTS!" when I walk in the door.

You think maybe I can find some ass-deadening cream or something?


--Missy, the Fat Bottomed Girl

Does This Post Make My Ass Look Fat?

So, 10AM didn't happen today.  My sleep was interrupted, which allowed me to experience the side effects of my medication that I usually sleep through (we'll talk about that in the next post).  But I didn't wuss out!!  I just called the gym and rescheduled with a different trainer, later in the day.

Since Jay has a weight lifting plan for me and he wasn't in when I got there, I didn't lift today.  I'll meet with Jay tomorrow, and we'll get into the lifting.  But Jake - what the hell, with the J names? - did the weigh in and measuring and looked over the MS bike training plan...and then wanted to talk about my weight loss goals.

Arrgh!

What the hell is it with health and fitness professionals who assume that when you want to get fit, your primary goal is weight loss?  This attitude is what kept me from being diagnosed with (and treated for) Major Depressive Disorder.  I'd tell the doc I felt like hell all the time, and I'd get quacked at about losing weight and how I'd feel so much better if I just did that!  Ugh.

But I digress.  That is also something for the next post.

Anyway.  I explained to Jake that my goals had nothing to do with the scale, that I expected that I would lose some weight, but that was not going to be my primary focus.  The Vita Guru talked recently about not training for the scale, and he's right, though not for the reasons he thinks.  It's not just vague goals that cause failure, it's complete lack of motivation when your only goal is a number on the scale.  I could drop a hundred pounds, and still not be able to complete 100 miles on my bike over 2 days.  That said, some numbers are a halfway decent indicator of progress.

So, let's get to it.  I SAID I was gonna let it all hang out.  Here's how I'm looking right now:

Upper arm:   10"
Thigh:  23.5"
Bust:  43"
Waist:  36"
Hips:  48"

Weight:  234

Who is just the most ADORABLE little pork chop?  Ms. Fat Bottom is!  (I forgot to take a picture!  I'll do that tomorrow.)

Actually, I'm not upset with those numbers.  The weight is 11 pounds less than it was the last time I saw my (new) doc, and my curvy measurements are pretty proportionate.  I'm fluffy, and it's a cute looking fluffy!

That said, it's also fluff that I cannot be dragging around on my bike.  The more weight you're dragging, the more you have to work to drag it, so the fluff needs to go and the muscle needs to be built up, and I need to increase my stamina and lung capacity.

I like to start workouts with a bellydance warmup.  It's a good way to stretch everything and get moving and motivated, and it keeps me on top of the moves I worked so hard to learn over several years.  KayLouise developed a great warmup choreography to the first selection, designed to be done once for a short warmup, or twice for something more substantial.  I always opt for twice!  My warmup music today:

Omar Faruk Tekbilek - "Shashkin" (Hefner Remix) (YouTube)
Naked Rhythm - Deep Lotus (4Shared Streaming)

...and then?  SEVENTY-FIVE MINUTES on the bike.  Which doesn't sound like a lot if you've got stamina, but I don't have much of that yet.  Thankfully, I'm piecing together some good riding music!

And now?  My ass hurts, boys and girls.  Not as much as if I'd been out on the road, but I'm still a smidge tender, and ibuprofen and I are getting on really well today.

--Missy, the Fat Bottomed Girl 

I know, I know. I suck.

My darlings!

I know I was supposed to start training back on the 21st.  I KNOW!  But here's the thing:  The Vita Guru and I had our 21st wedding anniversary that week.  AND I had a "Girl's Night In" scheduled with one of my bestest girlfriends.  So I would have trained on Tuesday, then slacked off the rest of the week, having Wednesday overnight at Lizzie's, hanging out in the hot tub, drinking wine, and eating Girl Food (read here: phenomenal chicken salad and sausage and cheese omelets!), and from thence getting up to no good with my husband.

We got up to no good, too!  We went to Ann Arbor and walked and walked and walked (so I did get exercise!).  We hit the Southeast Michigan Pioneer Wine Trail!  That's right.  I ate REAL FOOD!  And I drank BOOZE!  Well, mostly wine, but I had a glorious Elder Flower concoction at Mancy's Italian one night, and an Old Fashioned at Vinology on another.  I know.  I was super bad.  But if you can't celebrate your anniversary with food and booze, why bother celebrating at all?

Then I got home, and found myself completely overwhelmed with work.  Ugh.  I tried so hard to get everything caught up, and it was just miserable.  I guess there will be weeks like that?  I do hope that was the last one for a while, though, because Ms. Fat Bottom needs to get her ass in gear.  (Hah, gear!)

Today, I went to the gym to discuss my training plan with one of the trainers.  I will be using the National MS Society's bike training plan, which starts on page 13, but I also want some solid weight routines to help me build muscle and stamina.  I told him what I wanted to accomplish and why, and after he managed to shut his mouth (it fell ALLLLLLL the way open), he said he would put a plan together tonight, and we'd talk about it in the morning.  So I have an appointment with Jay at SuperFitness at 10AM tomorrow.

He'll have me weigh in (oh gods), take measurements (OH GODS), and get me set on a good routine that will complement the bike training plan.  And then will commence to whupping my ass into obedience and shape.  Good luck with the obedience part, dude.

In the in-between, I'm still working on my playlist and still appreciate any and all suggestions.

What's the most brutal part of your fitness routine?  I think mine is just going to be getting out of bed!

--Missy, the Fat Bottomed Girl